A Nice Little Earner… MP’s Expenses

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So when is fraud not fraud ? Why when its an MP expense claim of course!  With so many MP’s stating “it was a mistake , an oversight, I was badly advised” one wonders whether such cretins, whose numeracy seems rudimentary at best,  are really the right people to be holding the public purse strings, let alone run the country?

You can bet your bottom dollar if this was, say,  a housing benefit scam, or indeed any other abuse of public money, prosecutions would follow….we shall see….

Here are some the high profile cases, remember, this is your money folks..

Gordon Brown

Mr Brown used his expenses to pay his brother Andrew £6,577 for cleaning work at his Westminster flat between 2004 and 2006. The brothers shared the cleaner at their two flats. Under the arrangement, Andrew Brown paid the cleaner and the Prime Minister reimbursed his share of the cost.

Jack Straw

The Justice Secretary claimed for the full cost of council tax, even though he received a 50% discount from his local authority. He repaid the money last summer, shortly after a High Court ruling requiring the receipts to be published. In a note to the fees office he wrote: “Accountancy does not appear to be my strongest suit.”

David Miliband

The Foreign Secretary claimed almost £30,000 for doing up his £120,000 constituency home over five years, it was reported. He spent up to £180 every three months on the garden at the property in South Shields. At the bottom of one receipt for £132.96 in April 2008, his gardener wrote a note questioning whether some of the work was necessary.

Hazel Blears

The Communities Secretary claimed for three different properties in a single year, spending almost £5,000 of taxpayers’ money on furniture in three months.

Margaret Beckett

The Housing Minister found herself in trouble with the Fees Office after attempting to claim £600 for hanging baskets and pot plants.

Andy Burnham

The Culture Secretary wrote a note to the fees office in which he pleaded for his expenses to be paid urgently and even wrote he “might be in line for a divorce” if the money did not materialise within days.

John Prescott

The taxpayer paid for the former deputy prime minister to fit the front of his home in Hull with mock Tudor boards and for his toilet seat to be repaired twice in two years. ( I have a horrible mental picture at this point)

John Reid

The former Home Secretary’s claims included a £199 pouffe, a £370 armchair, an £899 sofa and a £29.99 a “black glitter toilet seat”. ( Nice, so much for the “hard man” image eh?)

David Cameron

The Tory leader claimed a total of £82,450 on his second home allowance over five years which included a £680 bill for repairs to the property relating to the  clearing wisteria and vines from a chimney and replacing outside lights . (Good God, even his expense claims are bland and dull ! )

Oliver Letwin

Mr Letwin, who is in charge of drawing up the Conservative general election manifesto, claimed more than £2,000 to replace a leaking pipe under his tennis court. He said he had been ordered to mend the pipe by the local water company and did not make any improvements to the court or his garden. The taxpayer also picked up the tab for regular services to his Aga cooker.

Greg Barker

Mr Barker – the first prominent Tory to be caught up in the expenses row – reportedly made a £320,000 profit on a flat he bought at the taxpayers’ expense.

David Willetts

The shadow innovation, universities and skills secretary claimed £115 plus VAT to replace 25 light bulbs at his second home in west London. On the same claim – part of a £2,191 invoice for odd jobs that included cleaning a shower head – Mr Willetts charged another £80 to “change light bulbs in bathroom”. But parliamentary authorities pared the bill back by more than £1,000, refusing to refund £175 for a dog enclosure and £750 for a shed base. According to the Daily Telegraph, the fees office frequently cut his claims because of errors or overclaims.

Nick Herbert

The shadow environment secretary claimed back £10,000 of the £14,700 stamp duty when he bought a home with his partner in his constituency. He also charged for fees and a survey of the property in Arundel, West Sussex and claimed for the entire monthly mortgage interest even though his partner’s name was on the deeds

lan Duncan

The shadow leader of the Commons claimed thousands of pounds for his garden before agreeing with the fees office that the spending “could be considered excessive”. Millionaire Mr Duncan recouped £4,000 over three years. However, a £3,194 bill for gardening in March 2007 was not paid after officials responded suggesting that the claim might not be “within the spirit” of the rules, according to the Daily Telegraph. In a letter to the MP for Rutland and Melton, the fees office said that it expected gardening costs “to cover only basic essentials such as grass cutting”.

Nick Clegg

The current Lib Dem leader reported had his second home allowance docked last year after exceeding the £23,083 maximum by more than £100. Other claims made included £1,657.32 for food, and phone bills which included calls to Colombia and Vietnam.

Chris Huhne

The Lib Dem’s home affairs spokesman regularly submits claims for food and groceries including pints of milk, fluffy dusters and chocolate biscuits. Millionaire Mr Huhne, who is MP for Eastleigh in Hampshire, also expensed a £119 trouser press which was delivered to his main London home.

So how did this system of corruption ever become just a perk of the job ? Well as with many of societies ills it’s all Thatchers fault. According to Michael Brown, former Tory MP, Margaret Thatcher is to blame as she blocked a salary increase and introduced allowances instead, thus deceiving the electorate. “Cheeky Boy” Lembit Opik also backed up this claim saying that the whole system is wrong but that it was Thatcher’s fault because she introduced the current system and, he claimed,  encouraged MP’s to use expense claims as a means of supplementing their income.

Time for Madame Guillotine to make an appearance me thinks 😉

“Margaret On the Guillotine” By Morrissey

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Obama Keen To Avoid ‘Trade War’

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Responding to criticism of the Buy America clause in the $900 billion stimulus package, the President said he was eager to avoid being protectionist. After a flurry of European criticism concerning a ‘Buy America’ clause contained in the almost $900 billion stimulus plan, US president Barack Obama said that he is keen to avoid a trade conflict.

“I think it would be a mistake though, at a time when worldwide trade is declining, for us to start sending a message that somehow we’re just looking after ourselves and not concerned with world trade,”

STORY HERE


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War On Terror Wrong

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The “War On Terror was wrong” said David Milliband today. (story here) Still it’s of little comfort to Brian, Larry and Henry (below,) all accused of crimes of terror, which turned their world upside down!

Wrongly Accused-The Terror Trio

Wrongly Accused-The "Terror Trio"

“I was literally shitting me self” said Larry Talbot, a rather hirsute labourer from Croydon, London.   Meanwhile Professor Henry Jarrod’s popular Wax Museum had to close through a concerted “whispering campaign“.  And spare a thought for Brian Stoker, a Dentist from Middlesborough, who spent six months in Guantanamo Bay. “I’m suing” said a furious Mr Stoker, yesterday.

An Innocent Abroad

An Innocent Abroad

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Reject The Tory “Status Quo” Urges Milliband

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( Story here )

Parliament goes “X-Factor” as Labour urges voters to reject the Tory Status Quo..

But who will the public vote for ….The David Milli-band perhaps ?

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Joey Barton Models Latest Newcastle kit

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Meanwhile in a far, far away land to the North, a cold land, barren and strangely devoid of trophies , Kevin Keegan  AKA King Kev (sic) explains why he won’t turn his back on soccer thug and all round low-life, Joey Barton. “I believe I can turn his life around, a bit like Jesus, I can show him the way, people just have to believe in me.”
Just before he was to visit “the real Santa” in la-la land, Keegan (the Christ), went on to explain, “People  may see me as naive, well fair enough, it’s a mans game and at the end of the day they are entitled to pays their monies and takes their choice” before he inexplicably ran out of clichés……

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Labour “Big Guns” Behind Brown

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Its great to know everybody’s behind you, Gordon (story here.)  Is Jack Straw really revolting ?

And then there are the Blairites who dream of the day their knight in shining armour rides in to save poor Gordon. But what is one persons dream, is another’s nightmare ! 😉

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Thatcher State Funeral Controversy

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Should Thatcher, the wicked old witch have a state funeral? Should it not be something appropriate to sum up the nations feeling towards this evil hag ? Possibly something like this…………

As Frankie Boyle so eloquently put it

“surely it would be cheaper to buy everybody in Scotland a spade in order to dig a hole so deep thus enabling her to be delivered directly to Satan”

No State Funeral

Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead

What The Nation Thinks ?

Large Version

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Gordon Brown- “Call Me Heathcliff”

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So our troubled PM Gordon Brown likens himself to the dark brooding anti hero in Emily Bronte’s classic tale of obsessive love “Wuthering Heights” …..hmmmm well he has a point I suppose (story here)

Gordon Brown writes letter to John Terry

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Apparently Prime Minister Gordon Brown wrote to footballer John Terry
to sympathise with himafter his penalty miss cost Chelsea the European
Champions League title……sadly it transpires John”Mr Chelsea” Terry
did not recieve said message …. apparently “he just missed the post”
… 😉 (story here)