Boris Johnson, London’s new mayor has vowed to change the way people view City Hall. He denied suggestions his election has made London a laughing stock, however…..
Boris Johnson, London’s new mayor has vowed to change the way people view City Hall. He denied suggestions his election has made London a laughing stock, however…..
The Independent call it “The Great Green Betrayal” . But are we surprised that Gordon Brown isn’t green ? He doesn’t do colours really does he ? He ditched red for blue, and now like John Major seems quite content with various shades of grey. He’s hardly the Jolly Green Giant, more the Dour Grey Ditherer. Why on earth he invited that mad old shrew, Thatcher, to Downing Street last year I’ll never know. What advice could she give him “ The Climates Not For Changing? “ . The only woman who’d keep pushing a door until the end of time that says “Pull” whilst growling “This ladies not for turning!!” Some call it conviction politics, I call it ” mad as a bleeding hatter!”
After revelations that copper topped super hero Prince Harry has been fighting the Taliban single hand-idly, using only a tooth pick and plenty of British pluck in Afghanistan, the M.O.D have been quick to squash rumours that Harry was treated any differently to a regular soldier. They also deny that Harry’s presence there was a distraction, or that it could have put his unit in danger. However our exclusive picture may suggest a different story…..
Jeremy Beadle, well known joker and candid camera style prankster has died. Apprently the poor fellow was denied medical treatment for years, as his whole
family thought he was playing an elaborate practical joke. Even his Gp Dr Enst
Van Tickler scoffed at Mr. Beadles claims of illness saying “Come along Jeremy,
very funny,you really are a hoot, but I do have patients to deal with…”
I guess Jeremy really did have the last laugh
Merry Christmas one and all xxx
As Gordon Brown flounders and bumbles, even now, the master of spin, Tony Blair, can somehow turn such a negative to an advantage
They may well be publicity seeking, camera hogging, two faced, back stabbing drama Queens , but these people really do need your vote…..
Please validate their existence and vote
The best file sharing software on the market !
The Court of Appeal ruled in favour of Barry George, 47, in his second attempt to overturn his conviction for the murder of BBC presenter Jill Dando, 37, who was shot dead on the steps of her west London home in April 1999.
“The verdict is unsafe. The conviction will be quashed,” said presiding judge Nicholas Phillips. George was remanded in custody, as no application was made for bail.
One wonders, if found innocent, who the police will fit -up investigate next? Another fantasist? A Freddie Mercury-o-gram ? Or maybe somebody with mental health problems ? Easy-peasy eh, its not about truth is it? it’s about being seen to get the right man, even if they are the wrong man…… just ask Gerard Hunter, Richard McIlkenny, Paddy Hill, Stephan Kisko or even Derek Bentley ( Ah, alas, too late!)
UPDATE: I posted this in November 2007, today 1/08/2008, Barry George is finally a free man. Read the story here.
Don’t’cha just love British Justice eh ? “Best in the world” as Ruth Ellis used to say!
Well the nations favourite bumbling, cretinous, interbred albino buffoon has decided that, not content with standing as candidate for London mayor, what we really need is a dose of Bo-Jo’s Wildean wit and stunningly clever verse. Yes his remarkable book which concerns a fictional family who refuse to let their children watch TV is certainly something that has left me quite astonished …… he certainly proves that when it comes to “rhyming and stealing” Jay-Z has nothing to worry about. More inane rhymes I venture, have not been published since….well …since the dawn of time, Johnson remarkably makes me yearn for the unbearable gibberish of the highly irritating Dr Zeuss. In fact I thought Welsh Football coach and ex-Liverpool player John Toshack’s Dylan Thomas-esque book of verse “Gosh It’s Tosh” would take some beating :-“Coming in to land at Speke/My legs are feeling very weak/We’ve just returned from Barcelona/and now I’m going for a sauna.” But this is akin to WB Yeats compared to Boris’ efforts, check out these nuggets and tell me that Bozza’s time studying the classics wasn’t money well spent
“He’d zap the programme off and holler/’Go and read some Emile Zola.” – Profound in the extreme – I wager Zola would have saved the French government a job and actually blocked his own chimney to breathe in that sweet carbon monoxide if he’d have known he would have been name-checked within such facile tommy rot. But wait Boris has more gems for the discerning reader
“Behold them, reader, and despair:their lolling eyes, their glassy stare,
this formerly dynamic pair-In a double-seat wheelchair.” (WTF!!!!)
Despair indeed , and this from a man who was once “Tory Arts Champion” and stated in 2004 that he wished “to reverse the decline of verse” ….Yes the Boris Johnson “Make Poetry History” campaign has got off to a flyer!
Well I’ve never seen them together, they have the same finger jabbing pomposity , the same narcissistic desire to be taken seriously and both shout for no good reason. Oh and they ooze fake sincerity and patronise and preen like strutting peacocks…I really can’t tell them apart these days.
Jeremy Kyle, yesterday
David Cameron wins out, jabbing a finger at bumbling Gordon, in Parliament yesterday
….he appears to think he is setting the political agenda, yes he is pulling the strings and Gordon is dancing to his tune…..(that’s if you believe David Cameron….) Frightening really, that the Jeremy Kyle of Parliament is becoming rather more popular than he was some six weeks back
He also seems to think that all the best policy decisions made by any political party over the last 40 years have been his and his alone….. hmmmmm…mind you his family album shows Davey boy has always been one step ahead of the game…
Hear a sneak preview of the Kanye/ Sir Paul collaboration below
Yes misogynist middle class “home boy” Kanye West and the frog loving legend who solved racial tensions by comparing the question of multiculturalism to a piano keyboard, Sir Paul Mc Cartney are set to release a duet. Said Sir Paul, giving his cringe worthy trade mark “peace” sign ; “I respect Kanye’s refreshingly modern attitude towards women, I believe he calls them Bitchz and I am very much “down” with that expression, baby”. Sir Paul denies the record is a dig at his ex wife Heather, who was recently seen on TV wild eyed, extracting the stuffing from the GMTV sofa with her teeth, claiming it had been bugged, she also stated that every one in the world, ever is against her. In a revealing interview to a remarkably straight faced Fiona Phillips, Ms Mills McCartney explained that Princess Diana is in fact her spirit guide and she has taped evidence that Diana’s crash was no accident in the Parisian tunnel that fateful night. Ms Mills-McCartney states she can prove beyond doubt that it was in fact an amphibious yellow submarine that caused the accident. She claims the sub, expertly manned by Ringo Starr was carrying out evil Sir Paul’s sick and twisted instructions on pain of death. “Is it a coincidence that Linda, John And George are dead??… and what of Brian Epstein, Brian Jones Keith Moon …and JFK ? “.. she rambled …… The VP Express is not one to judge peoples sanity and has nothing more to add to these grave accusations other than “I am the walrus- coo coo ca choo, ca coo coo ca choo ” Ahem!
Hip- Hop ??
David Cameron has been charged with fabricating a story about an unruly schoolboy for political gain, see original story here . Cameron denies his story was a complete work of fiction dreamt up by the Tory spin machine……..reports that Richmal Crompton’s estate are to sue have yet to be confirmed
Click Below To Hear the New Conservative Party Theme Tune
Oh how fickle are opinion polls, a week ago Eton Trifle David Cameron was less popular than a pool party at Michael Barrymore’s gaffe. Golden Brown and Ming The Mirthless were proving to be considerably more popular with the general public and Cameron was universally loathed and despised.
But hey a weeks a long time in politics and after Cameron’s extraordinary conference display its a case of “Everybody Loves Davey.” But what the devil caused such a miraculous transformation ? Did he announce radical new policies , did he turn water into wine , well the latter’s more likely than the former for Davey boy to be honest … but nope he performed ….a conference speech without strings wires or a safety net , yes, he didn’t have an auto cue (collective gasp!) Politically it may be a brave thing to do, and certainly it was spun in such a way that the fact that a politician has a memory and can form sentences is something that should,quite reasonably, secure Cameron the keys to Number 10 until the end of time if not longer ( Sorry Ming , your out old son.) But those who whisper in revered tones “it was unscripted” seem to be under the false impression it was some sort of improv off the cuff speech. Come on ! We all know hes been preparing it for months, learning it page by page night after night , and credit where credits due it was a well acted piece if not quite Olivier’s Hamlet.
Sadly the Tories still let themselves down, John Harris’ excellent piece in The Guardian (Here ) shows that their approach to The NHS for example is even more worrying than Gordos (and of course race , but thats another story) Not really a wise move to represent nurses in a charity calender not as well educated , dedicated health professionals , but as public school boy wank fantasies. Not really going to get them on your side is it eh chaps? Of course Sid the sexist types will say the sexual objectification of female nurses is of course “harmless fun,” (See MP and New-man, Tim Laughton’s justification here ) and the only people objecting are the humorless Millie Tant types and hairy legged lesbians, Oh and not forgetting the ” You know what she needs “ brigade….. sadly its still 1974 in some peoples heads.
So Davey boy, unscripted or not , its not quite “Whoose Line Is It Anyway?” Nope it’s still more a case of “Carry On Dick”
John Terry could take legal action after claims that he is a ‘Judas’ who betrayed “The Special One” Jose Mourhino to the “Roman” Empire. Various reports have suggested that the Chelsea captain was the catalyst behind Mourinho’s exit from the club. The Observer in particular suggested that ‘Mourinho holds Terry responsible for charges levelled by Chelsea’s board of directors that he had lost the support of his playing staff’. The VP Express has no opinion on this matter but it should be pointed out that Terry is reported to receive 130,000 pieces of silver per week (!!) from Roman.
This has undoubtedly been the worst year in the history of the flagship BBC children’s show “Blue Peter” since Valerie Singleton and Peter Duncan were caught on camera performing a “lewd act” involving John Leslie and Wiffles the Chimp. Producers of the show deceived thousands of young viewers for a second time in a year by ignoring their votes to choose a name for the show’s kitten, the BBC said on Thursday.
The Show’s producers asked children to help name the cat in a vote, only to ignore the result without telling the audience. The winning name was apparently deemed “inappropriate” by the shows producers, who in their wisdom, decided on the incongruous, and lets face it , highly offensive, name ..”Socks”
Mixing cells and eggs is to be allowed in the search for new medical treatments. However this is not really news if you come from the sort of family where going to Eton and Balliol comes naturally. This sort of interbreeding has been going on for years. Sadly the results can often be quite horrific….
The sound of sobbing echoed through the corridors of the VP Express this week. It transpired that some amongst us had finally ended our long journey sharing the wonderful adventures of one Mr H. Potter. Copies of the final novel in this marvellous series lay scattered about the office, many sodden in tears, as we bid a painful farewell to Harry and his brave chums.
But fear not help is at hand, using only the finest magical herbs including gillyweed, flitterbloom, fluxweed and gurdyroot we have produced a sure fire homeopathic remedy to chase the blues away. From the same people who brought you “Lightning Scar” Migraine relief, Andus Campbledore & Co. Ltd gives you..
Ps. Could somebody maybe run the wands thing by me again though ?
When an 11 year old lad playing football with his mates gets gunned down in the street, you do wonder what the fuck the worlds coming too. Although gun crime is still quite unusual in the UK , it is showing a disturbing trend within some inner city areas , whereby young males feel the need to be armed to gain the respect of their peers. How times have changed, in my day it was who had the biggest flares , in my teens it was who’d dare stick a safety pin through their ear.
I spent many years working within Liverpool and their jubilation at winning the city of culture bid led to a total glossing over of the City’s problems. Council leaders at the time would just not engage with the City’s youth group leaders or listen to their problems other than on a purely superficial level . This would lead to neat media friendly sound bites which were willingly devoured by The “Liverpool Echo” who would then proceed to tell the world how great Liverpool was. As their noses grew bigger they would prattle on about the fact we don’t really have too much of a problem with street crime and violence, compared to other city’s of our size, as if this alone justified doing absolutely nothing to address the well documented behaviour of criminal elements within the city. If a statement or viewpoint didn’t include a positive spin on the city regarding The Beatles, football or that famous sense of humour the City Councils attitude was tantamount to shoving their fingers in their ears and shouting “lalala I cant hear you.” The mindset that prevailed within Council chambers was one of smugness and arrogance , yes, as with all public sector bodies there were of course, funding issues ,(oddly though there was always plenty of money available for consultants from SOLACE , who it transpired had (allegedly) been old University chums with number of Chief Officers within Liverpool ) but their refusal point blank to discuss anything they deemed “negative” was quite frankly, bonkers.
To be fair Liverpool is not the only city with such problems, Manchester and London have also revealed statistics which show an alarming increase in knife crimes and shootings and this of course is something which really does have to be addressed.
So whats going on? Has rap music made guns cool ? Violent video games ? Negative male role models ? Well it may be that the producers of such games and the musicians who glorify the gun may have to take a slightly more responsible attitude in future, as of course will parents ( A game has an 18 certificate because , guess what Mums and Dads ? Its only suitable for over 18’s) However state censorship has never really solved anything and the majority of normal well adjusted people in society could listen to rap till their ears were raw and play a “shoot ’em up” video games till their eyeballs crossed and not go out on a Columbine-esque shooting spree.
The Daily Mail of course would have you believe that every young person is a potential mugger, that all teenagers are in gangs fighting “turf wars” and that anybody wearing a hooded top is either a mugger or one of Lord Voldemort’s “death eaters” but in the real world this simply isn’t true, this just feeds into the culture of fear , leaving teenagers feeling even more alienated than ever. The media should afford our younger citizens a little more respect, the majority of teenagers are polite, thoughtful , (if a bit stroppy ) and don’t indulge in recreational Anti-Social behaviour. I’ve met many a crusty old buffer who has been far ruder, surly and anti social than your average teenager .
These shootings have little to do with teenage gangs per-se , to label them as such could appear to hand them the sort edgy, lawless notoriety they crave. This may well be about the media created culture of the moron and the wannabe, a world in which the media pays homage to minor celebs because they wear an item of jewelery which costs more than your average 3rd World counties national debt , the cult of you don’t have to have a talent to be famous …or even a brain.. and the bullshit of the Gunz n’Bitchez “Get Rich or Die Trying” philosophy.
“If you cant be famous be infamous”
Except these cowardly thugs wont even be infamous , the only feelings they engender are ones of repugnance and pity
To quote Mr Jones, the father of 11 year old victim, Rhys.
“It shouldn’t be a case of wrong time, wrong place …. It just shouldn’t happen.”
Yes Roy Keane’s had a pop at certain players , stating that footballers who apparently allow their wives and girlfriends to dictate which clubs they play for, based purely on which city has the best range of shops, are “soft” and “weak”. The only womans movement Roy seems concerned about is trying to get them and their husbands to move to Sunderland
There may be a grain of truth in what he says , its common place these days to see pics of Colleen, Cheryl and Posh maxing out their credit cards on naff designer gear. Indeed Steven Gerrard’s air-headed wife has one of the most pointless news paper columns known to man, “Shopping With Alex” . Yes tips on “how to shop”, (not, it may suprise you tips on how to “allegedly” glass somebody in a Liverpool restaurant.). I await Cheryl Cole’s up coming newspaper column “Sitting With Cheryl “ giving useful tips on things such as “Sitting” with much excitement
However surely making any major lifestyle decision to uproot your family from one city to another is something most reasonable people would discuss with their partners ? Not in the world of football it would seem, still stuck in the 1970s I’m afraid , “pull yer knickers up , make me a cuppa, oh and pack your bags lass, we’re off to Sunderland.”
Look at Mike Newell’s rantings a while back “She shouldn’t be here. I know that sounds sexist but I am sexist. This is not park football, so what are women doing here? We have a problem in this country with political correctness – bringing women into the game is not the way to improve refereeing and officialdom. If you start bringing in women you have big problems. It is tokenism for the politically correct idiots”
Dearie me !
Children exposed to “maternal junk food” in the womb or early in life may find it harder to resist an unhealthy diet as they grow older, say the researchers.
Dr Stephanie Bayol, from the Royal Veterinary College in London, said: “Our study has shown that eating large quantities of junk food when pregnant and breastfeeding could impair the normal control of appetite and promote an exacerbated taste for junk food in offspring.”
However not all the experts agree, Doctor Ronald Henry McDonald of McResearch Ltd – (11 – 59 High Road East Finchley, London N2 8AW) for example, states, ” there is no such thing as junk food, if children get fat and die , that’s their own fault, we,…. I…I mean the fast food industry cannot be blamed. They certainly don’t promote their food to children.”
Hmm so a “Happy Meal” (including free toy ) advertised by a clown giving away brightly coloured balloons is supposed to appeal to whom…? George W. Bush ?… Not me though, I’ve seen “IT,” Pennywise, the dancing clown scared the B’jesus out of me and no mistake.
But babies developing a taste for Big Macs ? I can just see McDonald’s execs rubbing their hands together with glee can’t you ? Hook em before they are even born. Scary…
“Oi Chantelle, the sprogs tryin’ to say Mummy “
“awww how cute, could be little Wayne’s first word ? “
“M-M-M-McDonalds , M-M-MCDONALDS ”
And sadly that’s slightly worse than Motherf***er in my book.
Yes its worse than the hippity-hop brigade . Celebrity chefs in “Cornish Turf War Shocker!!” News reaches us that Jamie “Phat Tongue” O and Ricky “Fry Master” Stein have been getting threats from the Cornish Liberation Army (CLA). Armed only with pitchforks, cider and enormous big flappy ears due to the questionable gene pool , these boys surely don’t think they can take on the might of these brutal TV Chef overlords???
The VP Express’ sources suggest that in reality the CLA is merely a front for a shocking campaign of hate waged by the highly eccentric vicious, and alarmingly overweight bully-boy, Anthony “Wozza” Thompson. His jealousy of Jamie Oliver and Rick Stein is legendary within the cut throat world of culinary celebrity. Forget Tupac , and Notorious Big , its the Homeboyz of cookery y`all better be watching out for . Word.
Only last week MC Flambé (or the Cook Formerly Known As Gary Rhodes to you and me ) was the victim of a drive by cookin’. These guys are serious, Big Daddy A (Ainsley) may look like an amiable family entertainer, but beneath this jovial facade hides the nations most evil cookery pimp. His plan to produce a show called “Ready, Steady ‘Ho ” has been rejected by the BBC, calling it “offensive” and “demeaning”. Harriot responded by sending a set of cookery knives to the BBC board threatening to “cut Nigella’s T*ts Off ” and “go over to ITV”. It’s a situation that sadly, appears to have no resolution in sight.
Forces members will be banned from talking online and furthermore prevented from taking part in surveys, post on bulletin boards, or sending pictures or video material without permission, if the messages concern defence matters. Instead, “all such communication must help to maintain and, where possible, enhance the reputation of defence”.
Is this censorship gone mad? Would they do this if the “war” was going well? Or is it merely because, during the many conflicts of recent years , the U.K. has singularly failed to produce one decent war poet ? Whatever the reason, surely soldiers, sharing their experiences has aways been part of military life, and is for the individual, a form of catharsis ?
Historically society has always been able to read these experiences, such insights may well help us more fully understand the human cost of the futility of war.
It’s all going a bit “Pete Tong”
When does somebody cease to be an affable, eccentric oaf and become a bigoted, ignorant racist ? Sometimes a shake of the carefully manufactured ruffled head, a cry of “Oh Cripes!” and the trademark insincere mumbled, shoulder shrugging half-arsed apology through a schoolboy smirk just doesn’t cut the mustard .
To Americas delight!
“A Study In Oil”
It’s been a bad month or two for the Beeb , first the phone-in scandals , then the “misleading editing” . Now they are to review a number of shows to investigate claims of “product placement”.
This of course is nothing new , and is in fact set to increase, despite protestations from script writers “We’re not interested in injuring revenues on which we all depend,” the heads of the two Writers Guild branches wrote to their members. “But when writers are asked to construct stories around and for the benefit of potato chips or soft drinks, when our members are asked not only to be storytellers but advertisement copywriters as well, then things are getting out of hand. Writers must have greater input and control of this process.”
It is also slowly creeping into the world of pop , with Black Eyed Pea, Fergie, apparently agreeing to promote clothing within her song lyrics for the sum of $ 4 Million. Interscope records state”With record sales in decline, you must find novel ways to make money out of the music. The trick is to make the brand part of the song so that it slips down easily rather than chokes the fan. C****ie’s will have no say over exactly what Fergie will sing, or when. Fergie does not sing jingles so it will have to work unobtrusively in the song.” “My Humps, My Humps ,My Humps My Silver Spoon Sponsored Sugar Lumps .” Yeah Right !
Of course with the arrival of technology that allows the viewer to completely bypass adverts , TV shows and Hollywood Studios will be looking at innovative ways to increase the non too subtle presence of advertising.
To see to what extent placement has taken over the movies have a look here
But will the relationship still be as special as “The George And Tony Love-In “?
When GB from …erm G.B. met GB (I’m confused already )…..Who on earth said George W was a big kid with the keys to the worlds biggest sweetshop? The man oozes dignity , style and class, as demonstrated by his favorite mode of transport which befits the leader of the worlds most powerful country.
Apple has made strong three-month profits, helped by Mac and iPhone sales, even though the phones were only available for two days of the quarter. Coupled with the phenominal success of the I-pod, Steve Jobs has declared that his aim now is to take over the world and enslave mankind. Said Jobs , yesterday ” Sometimes you don’t need an Army to expand your Empire “
David Cameron has defended his visit to Rwanda despite many voters and parliamentarians criticising him for not cancelling due to the severe flooding in his constituency. This trip also coincided with a number of newspapers turning a critical eye on Mps travel expenses . The Daily Wail says the total paid out to cover travel,and other costs rose by an above-inflation 5.5%. Of course Mr Cameron, would never fiddle his expenses or demand first class travel and five star accommodation, would he?
David Cameron is losing his appeal to voters, according to a recent Guardian/ICM poll which suggests that many Conservative voters are losing their enthusiasm for the Tory leader. It also shows that he is no longer attracting new support to the party.
He just cant compete with the “Brown Bounce” factor , but what on God’s green earth is “Brown Bounce ?” ..Let me attempt to explain…..
Troubled star Lindsay Lohan has been arrested again on suspicion of driving under the influence. Less than two weeks out of rehab, with another drunken-driving case pending, Lohan had a blood-alcohol level of between 0.12 and 0.13 percent when police found her about 1:30 a.m. Sgt. Shane Talbot said that Lohan stated that she wasn’t actually driving the car and that it had a mind of its own. Ms Lohan also claimed the car answered to the name “Herbie”. “To be honest I think she’d been smoking the old herbie herself , if you catch my drift ” added Sgt Talbot. Twenty year old Lohan is now believed to be back in rehab.
More than 48,000 homes had power restored in Gloucestershire as waters finally receded. Emergency services where said to have been at “breaking point”. Trying to get a doctor was a nightmare !
The clearly insane Rt Rev Graham Dow, Bishop of Carlisle, argued that the recent floods in the UK are not just a result of a lack of respect for the planet, but also a judgment on society’s moral decadence.”We are in serious moral trouble because every type of lifestyle is now regarded as legitimate,” he said.
Our government has been playing the role of God in saying that people are free to act as they want,” he said, adding that the introduction of recent pro-gay laws highlighted its determination to undermine marriage.
“God’s Moral Judgement ? “
The Environment Agency has issued more flood warnings , as the rain keeps on a-coming
A national children’s helpline says it’s ready to deal with calls from Potter fans who may feel emotionally traumatised after the final book in the series is published. Childline took a large volume of calls from teens who were upset when Take That split in 1996 and say a similar reaction may occur with the end of the Potter books.
It said “the death of any of the major characters in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows could be very hard on younger readers.” Dearie me, are we so emotionally retarded that we need counseling for fictional characters now ? Has the world gone completely mad ? Can they really be serious ?
Personally I was gutted when Sirius Black was killed off …sniffle.. DEAL WITH IT …ITS NOT REAL !
Yup the Dail Mail announced it will back Boris Johnson in the London Mayoral election if he wins the Tory nomination , so watch out for attacks on Ken Livingstone and his” loony left Cuban loving cronies”. Possibly along the lines of “Vote For Ken And He’ll Corrupt Your Children With Books Such As ….
” This of course will lead to Daily Mail readers cowering in the corners mumbling “I always new Red Ken was a bad lot, what we need is Homeland Security”
The BBC pulls all competitions as a fresh batch of faked winners are unearthed in shows such as Children In Need And Comic Relief
As Boris Johnson accuses the BBC of making him look foolish
Looks fair enough to me !
As everybody outside of Stamford Bridge asks the question…….
David Cameron has insisted that twice sacked Boris Johnson was not a last resort as they sought a high profile candidate to challenge Ken Livinsgtone in next years Mayoral elections. “Boris is very serious about his candidature and if selected would be a genuine contender for the post” said Cameron, keeping a remarkably straight face . Meanwhile at another photo call, Boris showed off his latest idea for environmentally friendly travel around the capital…..
The Tories had been struggling to find a high-profile candidate to take on Ken Livingstone in the London Mayor elections. Greg Dyke, Sir John Major and Sir Digby Jones were not persuaded to stand. The Conservatives were forced to delay the deadline for applications amid reports that no candidates of sufficient prominence had put themselves forward…until today………..at last they have a credible candidate….Ta-Dah,… I give you… Boris
Later that day……….Boris tries to win over potential voters by visiting a local mosque
This is really a response to a headline which I’d spotted in the Daily Express entitled “The Madness Of Gordon Brown”. ,(The Mail And The Express are renowned for their unhysterical and reasonable journalism,) in which it claimed Big Gordo wants all our kids to learn Urdu and all school uniforms will be replaced by berkas. He also plans to remove the word “Great” from Great Britain, prescribe free garlic for the under fives and is apparently planning an amnesty on sausages before a total ban. All the tabloids are fairly ludicrous but the Mail pips it for me with their ridiculous rants and po-faced missives on of the “culture of fear ” promoting paranoia on a daily basis, a world in which around every corner there is a terrorist/asylum seeker or hoodie waiting to pounce. The poor journalists must be shitting themselves. The paper really has gone beyond self parody, it’s everyman for himself and trust nobody ….Theres nothing like well balanced journalism and this is ,well…., nothing like it .
David Beckhams arrival as LA Galaxy’s new signing has prompted a huge demand for the new team shirt. The teams new sponsers are said to be humbled yet delighted . David and Victoria’s new bestest friend Tom Cruise said yesterday “Man is an immortal, spiritual being. His experience extends well beyond a single lifetime. His capabilities are unlimited, even if not presently realized — and those capabilities can be realized. He is able to not only solve his own problems, accomplish his goals and gain lasting happiness, but also achieve new, higher states of awareness and ability.” Erm Ok….
David Beckhams arrival in America provokes scenes not seen in the US since “Beatlemania” ,………….. or possibly not
Manchester gets a clear message from Brown about the perils of gambling, and about their chances of getting the proposed super casino
Astronomers say they may have detected some of the earliest galaxies to form in the Universe. They have pictures of what appear to be very faint galaxies from some 13 billion years ago, a mere 500 million years after the Big Bang.
Despite the fact that members of the July 21st suicide bomb plot were caught on surveillance photos, Police and M15 failed to follow up their inquiries . This quite rightly has provoked scrutiny of Britains intelligence and surveillance services following the conviction of four the terrorists. An intelligence source suggets that the response from security services has been some what disappointing ………
Alastair And Tony, the story about a forbidden and secretive relationship between two cowboys and their lives over the years.
It still smells as sh*t today as it always has
The Spice Girls reunion is something I hoped would fall flat on its face. They really do represent all that is wrong with the pop world (and also to a degree what is wrong with this corporate money grabbing modern world). They are the empty product of Simon Fuller a man who sees music not as an art form but as a cash cow. I mean how much money do these talentless air-heads need , their greed is just obscene. (tickets price at £200-£325-00, jesus!)
The irritating and bubble headed Posh Spice ,using one of her trademark vacuous soundbites, said of the currently planned world tour ” I`ll be leaving David at home to look after the kids -that’s real Girl Power!” Erm no it isn’t love , you’ll be leaving the kids with yet another nanny in the pursuit of money you don’t need and acclamation you won’t get. This is about YOU not them, theres nothing to be proud about abandoning your kids for a few months. Parenthood is a great responsibility that should fall on both parents, not the hired help . To be honest the kids probably won’t notice the difference as this couple appear to spend most of their time jetting around the world promoting their “brand”. Bizarrely this is a couple that were once dubbed “Celebrity parents of the year”.(WHY ???…..aha, cos it enables a celebrity magazine to plaster them all over their front cover and boost circulation no doubt?)
Is starving yourself into a twiglet and plonking on two surgically enhanced orbs onto your chest “Girl Power” too ? Passing your kids from one child minder to another, changing their schools and countrys as often as most five year olds change their socks is “Girl Power” is it ? Or maybe “Girl Power” is just a phrase thought up by marketing men shamelessly bandied about to attract young fans ? You can see examples of real “Girl Power” in everyday life (think nurses, think doctors, think mums, think women making it on their own terms in male dominated environments) but the Spice Girls are pretty much the complete opposite of the reality of this concept . Industry meat puppets , who’ll say and do anything in their avaristic pursuit of wealth.
So Posh when you return from your world tour some advice , check Davids phone eh ? Remember what happened last time he was left alone ? I hear he enjoys a bit of “textual healing”.Girl Power ? Don’t think so .
Money talks but it cant sing and dance …and neither can the Spice Girls
In sharp contrast to the mind numbing greed of the Spice Girls I came across this article , it really should make people stop and think ,what are our priorities in this idiotic society in which we live ?
Foul smelling , manufactured to hook youngsters, toxic , full of shite, a total waste of money, a product of faceless corporations designed at maximising profits ? Yes The Spice Girls are back !
Well I`ll tell you what I want what I really really want ?
I want you all to F**k Off