Jeremy Beadle, well known joker and candid camera style prankster has died. Apprently the poor fellow was denied medical treatment for years, as his whole
family thought he was playing an elaborate practical joke. Even his Gp Dr Enst
Van Tickler scoffed at Mr. Beadles claims of illness saying “Come along Jeremy,
very funny,you really are a hoot, but I do have patients to deal with…”
I guess Jeremy really did have the last laugh
This has undoubtedly been the worst year in the history of the flagship BBC children’s show “Blue Peter” since Valerie Singleton and Peter Duncan were caught on camera performing a “lewd act” involving John Leslie and Wiffles the Chimp. Producers of the show deceived thousands of young viewers for a second time in a year by ignoring their votes to choose a name for the show’s kitten, the BBC said on Thursday.
The Show’s producers asked children to help name the cat in a vote, only to ignore the result without telling the audience. The winning name was apparently deemed “inappropriate” by the shows producers, who in their wisdom, decided on the incongruous, and lets face it , highly offensive, name ..”Socks”
Crazed Looney Toon Released After Celebrity Chef Threats
Yes its worse than the hippity-hop brigade . Celebrity chefs in “Cornish Turf War Shocker!!” News reaches us that Jamie “Phat Tongue” O and Ricky “Fry Master” Stein have been getting threats from the Cornish Liberation Army (CLA). Armed only with pitchforks, cider and enormous big flappy ears due to the questionable gene pool , these boys surely don’t think they can take on the might of these brutal TV Chef overlords???
The VP Express’ sources suggest that in reality the CLA is merely a front for a shocking campaign of hate waged by the highly eccentric vicious, and alarmingly overweight bully-boy, Anthony “Wozza” Thompson. His jealousy of Jamie Oliver and Rick Stein is legendary within the cut throat world of culinary celebrity. Forget Tupac , and Notorious Big , its the Homeboyz of cookery y`all better be watching out for . Word.
Only last week MC Flambé (or the Cook Formerly Known As Gary Rhodes to you and me ) was the victim of a drive by cookin’. These guys are serious, Big Daddy A (Ainsley) may look like an amiable family entertainer, but beneath this jovial facade hides the nations most evil cookery pimp. His plan to produce a show called “Ready, Steady ‘Ho ” has been rejected by the BBC, calling it “offensive” and “demeaning”. Harriot responded by sending a set of cookery knives to the BBC board threatening to “cut Nigella’s T*ts Off ” and “go over to ITV”. It’s a situation that sadly, appears to have no resolution in sight.
When does somebody cease to be an affable, eccentric oaf and become a bigoted, ignorant racist ? Sometimes a shake of the carefully manufactured ruffled head, a cry of “Oh Cripes!” and the trademark insincere mumbled, shoulder shrugging half-arsed apology through a schoolboy smirk just doesn’t cut the mustard .
The bigotry of bumbling Boris
Troubled star Lindsay Lohan has been arrested again on suspicion of driving under the influence. Less than two weeks out of rehab, with another drunken-driving case pending, Lohan had a blood-alcohol level of between 0.12 and 0.13 percent when police found her about 1:30 a.m. Sgt. Shane Talbot said that Lohan stated that she wasn’t actually driving the car and that it had a mind of its own. Ms Lohan also claimed the car answered to the name “Herbie”. “To be honest I think she’d been smoking the old herbie herself , if you catch my drift ” added Sgt Talbot. Twenty year old Lohan is now believed to be back in rehab.