Leveson Update

Humour, Politics

Yesterday’s Leveson inqury was once again interrupted, this time in the form of an elderly wild eyed Italian gentleman who claimed he was Jeremy Hunt‘s long lost father. Known only as Mister Gepetto and describing his occupation as “Toy maker”  he was clearly overwhelmed with emotion “Its just like a fairy story” he said, “we’ve been apart for so long but I knew one day we’d be reunited. I do worry about “Jeremy” as he likes to be called nowadays, because  one day we hope he will grow up to be a real boy ,but only if he is kind and honest and true, the blue fairy said so”.

Geppetto stated he was looking forward to getting home to his “family” consisting of a goldfish (“Cleo”) and a cat (“Figaro”) ” there will be much music and dancing ” He also spoke emotionally about a cricket named “Jiminy”, who it transpires wears a top hat and is allegedly Pinocchio’s Jeremy’s official conscience, and also of an island where little boys turn into asses (the house of commons?)

“Mister Geppetto” is currently being detained in a secure unit for his own safety pending an assessment of his mental health, Jeremy Hunt remains in government and thus his chances of growing up to be a “real boy” are considered remote.

MP’s forced to live on “rations” says Duncan

Politics

Alan Duncan, the Tory frontbencher who has redinfined the pharse “arrogant f*ck-wit” and has an unfortunate habit of producing verrbal diarrohea on an alarmingly regular basis, has said that MPs are being treated like “shits” and forced to live on “rations” following the expenses scandal. (see story here)

Let’s recap what millionaire oil trader Alan considered legitmate expenses before public fury put a temporary halt to the gravy train.  He claimed £4,000 in  gardening costs which included £598 to overhaul a ride-on lawn-mower and then a further £41 to fix a puncture.  He also had an earlier claim in of £3,194 for gardening expenses rejected by the fees office, which wrote to Mr Duncan suggesting that the claim might not be “within the spirit of the rules .” Pfft ,what’s a boy to do ?

So the next time you’re sweating over paying a credit card bill, redundancy or where to make cuts in the household budget, spare a thought, or maybe even a bob or two for your MP,  don’t treat them with contempt, don’t label them unctuous, grasping, selfish, greedy out of touch shits …… times are hard in Westminister these days-have a heart.


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Labours Green Policies Slammed

Climate Change, Environment, Global Warming, Gordon Brown, Labour, Labour Party, Politics, Thatcher, the Green Party, UK News, UK NEWS HEADLINES, UK weather forcast

The Independent call it “The Great Green Betrayal” . But are we surprised that Gordon Brown isn’t green ? He doesn’t do colours really does he ? He ditched red for blue, and now like John Major seems quite content with various shades of grey. He’s hardly the Jolly Green Giant, more the Dour Grey Ditherer. Why on earth he invited that mad old shrew, Thatcher, to Downing Street last year I’ll never know. What advice could  she give him “ The Climates Not For Changing? “ . The only woman who’d keep pushing a door until the end of time that says “Pull” whilst growling “This ladies not for turning!!”  Some call it conviction politics, I call it mad as a bleeding hatter!”

Ian Paisley-“The Mouth That Roared”

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Now Ian Paisley ( the Politician who loved to say “NOI!” ie “no”) is retiring, what use can his gargantuan mouth be put to now? A not altogether attractive entrance to the Mersey Tunnel perhaps?

China Bans Non-Government Online-Video Sites

China, China Blocks Youtube, Humour, Internet, Online Video, Politics, Socialist, World News, X-factor, Youtube

Reports from China  suggest that The CPC ( lead by President  Hu Jintao ) have blocked web surfers from accessing  You Tube (see story).

The authorities signalled yesterday that they would no longer tolerate the “broadcast of degenerate thinking”, which has buggered Simon Cowells attempt to get  the “X” or “ɕ” Factor on in China (or snappily known in The Peoples Republic  as  “The Voiceless Alveolo-Palatal Fricative” Factor). I for one can see their point!


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It’s A Jungle Out There

Ant And Dec, Anti-David Cameron, Anti-Gordon Brown, I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here, Janice Dickinson, Politics, UK Media, UK News, UK NEWS HEADLINES

They may well be publicity seeking, camera hogging, two faced, back stabbing drama Queens , but these people really do need your vote…..

Please validate their existence and vote

The Dignity Of Parliament

Conservative Party, David Cameron, Gordon Brown, Government, Humour, Jeremy Kyle, Labour Party, News, Parliament, Politics, Punch And Judy, Topical, UK News

Yes, there’s nothing like well reasoned argument, mutual respect, and good manners , and yesterday in the House of Commons was nothing like it. Brown referred to the whole ill tempered episode as “Punch And Judy Politics” . If he’d have been “down with the kids, daddio” like Facebook loving Davey Cameron, he might have referred to it as Jeremy Kyle politics……

Come On Prime Minister, you are not the biological father of the inheritance tax policy are you ? We’ll have the results of the lie detector test after the break,”

So with a “yah, a boo” and dare I venture a “hiss” I submit…….is that really the way to do it ??

Listen to highlights of the most intellectual parliamentary exchange in years below

The Tate Modern’s Latest Installation -Is It Art ?

"Shibboleth", Anti-Gordon Brown, Art, Doris Salcedo, Doris's crack, Gordon Brown, Labour Party, London, Modern Art, Photoshopping, Politics, Popular Culture, Tate Modern, Turbine Hall, World News

The Tate Modern’s latest installation a variation on Doris Salcedo’s brilliant “Shibboleth” ( affectionately known as ” Doris’s crack” ), truly shows that art really does mirror life….

“Gordon’s Cracking” on display at least until the next general election

Shadow Of The Gun

Crime, Gangsters, Gun Crime, Guns, Henshaw, Hoodies, Liverpool, Liverpool City Council, News, Politics, Teenagers, UK Media, UK NEWS HEADLINES

The bullet that broke a communities heart – The Independant

When an 11 year old lad playing football with his mates gets gunned down in the street, you do wonder what the fuck the worlds coming too. Although gun crime is still quite unusual in the UK , it is showing a disturbing trend within some inner city areas , whereby young males feel the need to be armed to gain the respect of their peers. How times have changed, in my day it was who had the biggest flares , in my teens it was who’d dare stick a safety pin through their ear.

I spent many years working within Liverpool and their jubilation at winning the city of culture bid led to a total glossing over of the City’s problems. Council leaders at the time would just not engage with the City’s youth group leaders or listen to their problems other than on a purely superficial level . This would lead to neat media friendly sound bites which were willingly devoured by The “Liverpool Echo” who would then proceed to tell the world how great Liverpool was. As their noses grew bigger they would prattle on about the fact we don’t really have too much of a problem with street crime and violence, compared to other city’s of our size, as if this alone justified doing absolutely nothing to address the well documented behaviour of criminal elements within the city. If a statement or viewpoint didn’t include a positive spin on the city regarding The Beatles, football or that famous sense of humour the City Councils attitude was tantamount to shoving their fingers in their ears and shouting “lalala I cant hear you.” The mindset that prevailed within Council chambers was one of smugness and arrogance , yes, as with all public sector bodies there were of course, funding issues ,(oddly though there was always plenty of money available for consultants from SOLACE , who it transpired had (allegedly) been old University chums with number of Chief Officers within Liverpool ) but their refusal point blank to discuss anything they deemed “negative” was quite frankly, bonkers.

To be fair Liverpool is not the only city with such problems, Manchester and London have also revealed statistics which show an alarming increase in knife crimes and shootings and this of course is something which really does have to be addressed.

So whats going on? Has rap music made guns cool ? Violent video games ? Negative male role models ? Well it may be that the producers of such games and the musicians who glorify the gun may have to take a slightly more responsible attitude in future, as of course will parents ( A game has an 18 certificate because , guess what Mums and Dads ? Its only suitable for over 18’s) However state censorship has never really solved anything and the majority of normal well adjusted people in society could listen to rap till their ears were raw and play a “shoot ’em up” video games till their eyeballs crossed and not go out on a Columbine-esque shooting spree.

The Daily Mail of course would have you believe that every young person is a potential mugger, that all teenagers are in gangs fighting “turf wars” and that anybody wearing a hooded top is either a mugger or one of Lord Voldemort’s “death eaters” but in the real world this simply isn’t true, this just feeds into the culture of fear , leaving teenagers feeling even more alienated than ever. The media should afford our younger citizens a little more respect, the majority of teenagers are polite, thoughtful , (if a bit stroppy ) and don’t indulge in recreational Anti-Social behaviour. I’ve met many a crusty old buffer who has been far ruder, surly and anti social than your average teenager .

These shootings have little to do with teenage gangs per-se , to label them as such could appear to hand them the sort edgy, lawless notoriety they crave. This may well be about the media created culture of the moron and the wannabe, a world in which the media pays homage to minor celebs because they wear an item of jewelery which costs more than your average 3rd World counties national debt , the cult of you don’t have to have a talent to be famous …or even a brain.. and the bullshit of the Gunz n’Bitchez “Get Rich or Die Trying” philosophy.

If you cant be famous be infamous”

Except these cowardly thugs wont even be infamous , the only feelings they engender are ones of repugnance and pity

To quote Mr Jones, the father of 11 year old victim, Rhys.

“It shouldn’t be a case of wrong time, wrong place …. It just shouldn’t happen.”

M.O.D. To Gag Army Personnel Blogs

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Forces members will be banned from talking online and furthermore prevented from taking part in surveys, post on bulletin boards, or sending pictures or video material without permission, if the messages concern defence matters. Instead, “all such communication must help to maintain and, where possible, enhance the reputation of defence”.

Is this censorship gone mad? Would they do this if the “war” was going well? Or is it merely because, during the many conflicts of recent years , the U.K. has singularly failed to produce one decent war poet ? Whatever the reason, surely soldiers, sharing their experiences has aways been part of military life, and is for the individual, a form of catharsis ?

Historically society has always been able to read these experiences, such insights may well help us more fully understand the human cost of the futility of war.

Boris Johnson To Sue Pete Doherty

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Oh dear , what does he look like ? “Waiting For Pete Doherty To Dye” perhaps?

“Waiting For Pete Doherty To Die” By The Indelicates

Brown Meets Bush

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When GB from …erm G.B. met GB (I’m confused already )…..Who on earth said George W was a big kid with the keys to the worlds biggest sweetshop? The man oozes dignity , style and class, as demonstrated by his favorite mode of transport which befits the leader of the worlds most powerful country.

“Voters Turning Against Cameron?”

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David Cameron is losing his appeal to voters, according to a recent Guardian/ICM poll which suggests that many Conservative voters are losing their enthusiasm for the Tory leader. It also shows that he is no longer attracting new support to the party.

He just cant compete with the “Brown Bounce” factor , but what on God’s green earth is “Brown Bounce ?” ..Let me attempt to explain…..

Floods Are “Judgment On Society” Says Bishop

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The clearly insane Rt Rev Graham Dow, Bishop of Carlisle, argued that the recent floods in the UK are not just a result of a lack of respect for the planet, but also a judgment on society’s moral decadence.”We are in serious moral trouble because every type of lifestyle is now regarded as legitimate,” he said.

Our government has been playing the role of God in saying that people are free to act as they want,” he said, adding that the introduction of recent pro-gay laws highlighted its determination to undermine marriage.

“God’s Moral Judgement ? “

Daily Mail Ready To Attack Ken Livingstone (Again)

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Yup the Dail Mail announced it will back Boris Johnson in the London Mayoral election if he wins the Tory nomination , so watch out for attacks on Ken Livingstone and his” loony left Cuban loving cronies”. Possibly along the lines of “Vote For Ken And He’ll Corrupt Your Children With Books Such As ….

” This of course will lead to Daily Mail readers cowering in the corners mumbling “I always new Red Ken was a bad lot, what we need is Homeland Security”

David Cameron Insists Boris “A Serious Contender For London Mayors Job”

Boris Johnson, Buffoon, Clown, David Cameron, Humour, Ken Livingstone, London, London Mayor, Money, News, Oaf, Politics, Popular Culture, PR, Press, Prime Minister, propaganda, Spin, Spin Doctor, UK Media, UK NEWS HEADLINES, Uncategorized, World News

David Cameron has insisted that  twice sacked  Boris Johnson was not a last resort as they sought a high profile candidate to challenge Ken Livinsgtone in next years Mayoral elections. “Boris is very serious about his candidature  and if selected would be a genuine contender for the post” said Cameron, keeping a remarkably straight face . Meanwhile at another photo call, Boris showed off his latest idea for environmentally friendly travel around the capital…..

Boris Johnson Insists He Will Be A “Credible” Candidate For London

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The Tories had been struggling to find a high-profile candidate to take on Ken Livingstone in the London Mayor elections. Greg Dyke, Sir John Major and Sir Digby Jones were not persuaded to stand. The Conservatives were forced to delay the deadline for applications amid reports that no candidates of sufficient prominence had put themselves forward…until today………..at last they have a credible candidate….Ta-Dah,… I give you… Boris  Yeltsin Johnson

Later that day……….Boris tries to win over potential voters by visiting a local mosque

Daily Mail Crank Up Anti-Gordon Brown Campaign

Anti-Gordon Brown, Business news, Capitalisim, Daily Express, Daily Mail, Discrimination, Gordon Brown, Humour, Jade Goody, Politics, Popular Culture, Press, Prime Minister, propaganda, Racist, Spin Doctor, UK Media, UK NEWS HEADLINES, Uncategorized, World News

This is really a response to a headline which I’d spotted in the Daily Express entitled “The Madness Of Gordon Brown”. ,(The Mail And The Express are renowned for their unhysterical and reasonable journalism,) in which it claimed Big Gordo wants all our kids to learn Urdu and all school uniforms will be replaced by berkas. He also plans to remove the word “Great” from Great Britain, prescribe free garlic for the under fives and is apparently planning an amnesty on sausages before a total ban. All the tabloids are fairly ludicrous but the Mail pips it for me with their ridiculous rants and po-faced missives on of the “culture of fear ” promoting paranoia on a daily basis, a world in which  around every corner there is a terrorist/asylum seeker or hoodie waiting to pounce. The poor journalists must be shitting themselves.  The paper really has gone beyond self parody, it’s everyman for himself and trust nobody ….Theres nothing like well balanced journalism and this is ,well…., nothing like it .

Channel 4 News Say Criticism Unjustified

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Channel 4 have refuted allegations that they have dumbed down their news coverage of late

Beckham Mania Reaches Fever Pitch

beatles, Beckham, Chav, David Beckham, Football, Girl Groups, Girl Power, LA Galaxy, News, Politics, Pop, Pop Music, Popular Culture, Posh And Becks, Posh Spice, pretty ladies, Soccer, spice girls, Spin, Style, The Beatles, UK NEWS HEADLINES

David Beckhams arrival in America provokes scenes not seen in the US since “Beatlemania” ,………….. or possibly not

Manchester Angry At Super Casino Rethink

Business news, Capitalisim, gambling, Gordon Brown, Greed, Humour, Manchester, Money, Politics, Popular Culture, Prime Minister, Regeneration, Super Casino, UK NEWS HEADLINES, World News

Manchester gets a clear message from Brown about the perils of gambling, and about their chances of getting the proposed super casino

David Cameron In Policy Shocker

Business news, David Cameron, Gordon Brown, Greed, Humour, Margaret Thatcher, Money, Politics, Popular Culture, Prime Minister, Spin, Spin Doctor

The shock being that he has one , not so shocking was, its a bit shit and a bit like “back to basics ” and when it comes down to it, he hasn’t really decided how it will work . Still hes’s used the “broken down Britain” soundbite quite a bit , although hes not sure about that either.

Anti-Terrorist Police And M15 Under Pressure

Alastair Campbell Diaries, Bin Laden, m15, Middle East, News, Politics, Popular Culture, Prime Minister, Terrorisim, UK NEWS HEADLINES, Uncategorized, War On Terror

Despite the fact that members of the July 21st suicide bomb plot were caught on surveillance photos, Police and M15 failed to follow up their inquiries . This quite rightly has provoked scrutiny of Britains intelligence and surveillance services following the conviction of four the terrorists. An intelligence source suggets that the response from security services has been some what disappointing ………

“All Clear”

Alastair Campbell – The Video Diaries -Found!

Alastair Campbell Diaries, BBC, Brokeback Mountain, Business news, Capitalisim, Discrimination, Gordon Brown, Humour, Movies, News, Politics, Popular Culture, PR, Spin, Spin Doctor, Tony Blair, UK NEWS HEADLINES

Alastair And Tony, the story about a forbidden and secretive relationship between two cowboys and their lives over the years.

Gordon Brown Rejects “Style Over Content” Politics

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New Prime Minister Gordon “Call Me Gordy” Brown has vowed to do away with the politics of celebrity much loved by Tony Blair . “I’m here to serve and to be an ambassador for this country. I do not believe in Policticians becoming celebrities.” However despite this claim , spin doctors have attempted to “modernise” Gordo’s image as many Labour supporters remember Michael Foot and his “Duffle Coat of Shame”.

Gordo was initially resistant to a “trendification” of his image , but reluctantly accepted that in the media age , presentation unfortunately plays a major part in modern politics. He agreed to a slightly new look , which he unveiled yesterday whilst visiting a home for spastics.

The Spice Girls Reunion And The Pursuit Of Wealth

Girl Groups, Girl Power, Greed, Humour, Money, Music, News, Politics, Pop Music, Popular Culture, Sex, Slaves, spice girls, Spice Girls reunion, UK Media, UK NEWS HEADLINES, Uncategorized

It still smells as sh*t today as it always has

 

The Spice Girls reunion is something I hoped would fall flat on its face. They really do represent all that is wrong with the pop world (and also to a degree what is wrong with this corporate money grabbing modern world). They are the empty product of Simon Fuller a man who sees music not as an art form but as a cash cow. I mean how much money do these talentless air-heads need , their greed is just obscene. (tickets price at £200-£325-00, jesus!)

The irritating and bubble headed Posh Spice ,using one of her trademark vacuous soundbites, said of the currently planned world tour ” I`ll be leaving David at home to look after the kids -that’s real Girl Power!” Erm no it isn’t love , you’ll be leaving the kids with yet another nanny in the pursuit of money you don’t need and acclamation you won’t get. This is about YOU not them, theres nothing to be proud about abandoning your kids for a few months. Parenthood is a great responsibility that should fall on both parents, not the hired help . To be honest the kids probably won’t notice the difference as this couple appear to spend most of their time jetting around the world promoting their “brand”. Bizarrely this is a couple that were once dubbed “Celebrity parents of the year”.(WHY ???…..aha, cos it enables a celebrity magazine to plaster them all over their front cover and boost circulation no doubt?)

Is starving yourself into a twiglet and plonking on two surgically enhanced orbs onto your chest “Girl Power” too ? Passing your kids from one child minder to another, changing their schools and countrys as often as most five year olds change their socks is “Girl Power” is it ? Or maybe “Girl Power” is just a phrase thought up by marketing men shamelessly bandied about to attract young fans ? You can see examples of real “Girl Power” in everyday life (think nurses, think doctors, think mums, think women making it on their own terms in male dominated environments) but the Spice Girls are pretty much the complete opposite of the reality of this concept . Industry meat puppets , who’ll say and do anything in their avaristic pursuit of wealth.

So Posh when you return from your world tour some advice , check Davids phone eh ? Remember what happened last time he was left alone ? I hear he enjoys a bit of “textual healing”.Girl Power ? Don’t think so .

Money talks but it cant sing and dance …and neither can the Spice Girls

In sharp contrast to the mind numbing greed of the Spice Girls I came across this article , it really should make people stop and think ,what are our priorities in this idiotic society in which we live ?

http://ihscslnews.org/view_article.php?id=172

Shameful

UK smoking ban takes effect 1/07/2007

Beckham, Capitalisim, Girl Groups, Girl Power, Greed, Humour, Image, Music, News, Politics, Pop, Pop Music, Popular Culture, Posh Spice, PR, pretty ladies, Sex, smoking ban, spice girls, Spin, Style, UK Media, UK NEWS HEADLINES

Foul smelling , manufactured to hook youngsters, toxic , full of shite, a total waste of money, a product of faceless corporations designed at maximising profits ? Yes The Spice Girls are back !

Well I`ll tell you what I want what I really really want ?

I want you all to F**k Off

Pete Doherty Watch

Capitalisim, Chav, Christmas, drugs, Eating Disorders, Fashion, Greed, Humour, Image, indie, Kate Moss, Kerry Katona, Libertines, News, pete doherty, Politics, Pop, Pop Music, Popular Culture, TV, UK Media, Uncategorized

June 2007 – With 181 shopping days left to Christmas the high street retailers are already preparing their seasonal campaigns ……The “Iceland ” food chain unveil Kerry Katona’s new partner for a series of traditional festive ads to be broadcast from November 2007

Interesting Facts About Gordon Brown

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Well , Gordon’s first name is actually James http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gordon_Brown

and lets face it anybody who picks the name Gordon over James , is probably not going to end up the godfather of soul . Still the fact remains, for all Tony Blairs pretensions and groovy declarations of his love of Rock and Pop Music (like an embarrassingly trendy geography teacher), it’s ironic that it’s his rather straight -laced arch enemy and new PM who has the truly legendary rock n roll name . Ladies and Gents I give you …………….James Gordon Brown, “God Father Of Microeconomic Policies”

“Tony, I’m ready to get up and do my thing (no chance !)
I wanna get into No.10, man, you know (I’m not letting you !)

Get up, (get on up)
Get up, (Interest rates up?)

And then, shake your money maker,
Just like Kenneth Baker,
Shake your money maker, Tax And Spend

Right On ! “

To be honest I prefer my politicians straight-laced , I mean who would want a tit like Bono running a country ?

Cometh The Hour Cometh The Man, Cometh the Policies ? Erm No!

Humour, Politics, Popular Culture, Uncategorized

So Gordo’s first coup , Quentin Davies a Tory Mp for some 19 years has had enough of the bland leading the blind and he’s only gone and jumped ship to Labour ! In his letter to David Cameron, Big Quent writes;

“Under your leadership the Conservative party appears to me to have ceased collectively to believe in anything, or to stand for anything.”It has no bedrock. It exists on shifting sands. A sense of mission has been replaced by a PR agenda.”

David Camerons policy on defecting Mps has yet to be finalised . Which is no surprise….

Tony Blair Middle East Peace Envoy

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Peace Envoy ? I know he thinks he’s a player on the international stage but “peace” envoy ?

All he seems to have done in the Middle East is cause chaos and misery ? Ask your self this ….is the world a safer place because of Blair and Bush’s actions in the middle east ?

Tony Blair – International Man Of Misery

Goodbye Tony Blair

Capitalisim, Humour, indie, Margaret Thatcher, Middle East, Politics, Pop Music, Popular Culture, Prime Minister, Tony Blair, Uncategorized

The legacy ??

“Nothing’s changed for all the death that their ideas created
It’s just the same fascistic games, but the rules aren’t clearly stated
Nothing’s really different cos all government’s the same
They can call it freedom, but slavery’s the game”

And now he’s been given the role of Middle Eastern Peace keeper ??? Odd that somebody who has bombed the shit out of parts of the middle east has been given the role of “peace keeper . It’s rather like asking Flavor Flav , Chuck D , Professor Griff and Terminator X to perform at a Bar Mitzvah

And Hello Golden Gordon Brown

“Gordon Brown texture like sun
Even though Fiscal policies ain’t fun
Throughout the night
Get Taxation right
Never a frown with Gordon Brown”

McCartney – “Peg Leg Stalker” !

beatles, Fashion, Girl Groups, Gwenno, Gwenno Saunders, Heather Mills Joke, Humour, Image, Kate Moss, Libertines, McCartney, pete doherty, Politics, Pop Music, Popular Culture, Sir Paul McCartney, Style, The Beatles, Uncategorized

TWO LEGS BAD!.

The combination of another oddly angled photo and an optical illusion (this time of Welsh songstress and member of the Pipettes, Gwenno ), gives the deranged Sir Paul yet more false hope

IF ANY ONE CAN MACCA CAN

Oh Lordy and when sir Paul hears of another “legless” celeb , he has a novel way of trying to pick ’em up. Well hes nothing if not persistant…gotta love the old fool