John Prescott Admits “I Ate All the Pies”

Gordon Brown, News, Prime Minister, UK Media, World News

John Prescott admitted for the first time that he suffered from Bulimia for 20 years : “What I did was stuff my face with anything around, any old rubbish — burgers, chocolate, crisps, fish and chips, Labour Party policy,  loads of it, till I felt sick. But at least I’d had the pleasure of stuffing my face and feeling really full. Then there would be a weird kind of pleasure in vomiting over Tony Blair and feeling relieved.”
Friends say they are stunned. Neighbour Eric Marmasat said yesterday “ We are shocked that John has been suffering from an eating disorder, he was always a greedy b*stard, I`ll grant you, but we had no idea it was this bad, even the time a few years back when he ran across a farmers field once roaring “I MUST HAVE THE BACON !”   and  tried to eat a live pig we thought that was just John being John”

However as our  exclusive photos show  there may have been small tell tale  signs in the past which could provide some evidence of an unhealthy attitude to food.

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Charlton Heston Dead

Humour, News, Popular Culture, Prime Minister, Uncategorized, World News

Holy Moses ! Finally !

He’ll be going somewhere a little hot me thinks (Story)

UPDATE:

On Tuesday evening we can reveal that Charlton Heston rather hopefully showed up at the pearly gates, assault rifle jauntily slung over his shoulder, as he prepared to meet his maker.  He was greeted at “Heavens Gate” by Saint Peter who had assumed the form of Cornelius from the Planet Of The Apes movies. We can also exclusively divulge that Charlton said unto Peter

Oh lordy, if I’d have known that you were an ape, I would never have made that movie”,

and Peter replied “If you also knew that 80% of the people here are victims of gun violence, would you still have been the president of the NRA? Come along now Charlton please, give me the gun “

“From my Cold Dead Hands” mumbles a cantankerous old Charlton

Our souce in heaven tells us that Saint Peter smiled and gently tried to take the gun from Charlton’s stiffened gnarled old fingers, which were indeed cold and dead,  and were suffering from the advanced stages of rigor mortis, resembling an arthritic pigeons hideously deformed feet.

Alas Charlton was displeased

“Take your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape!” he roared, thus ensuring a booking for all eternity at “The Ninth Circle” Lodge in the exclusive ” Judecca Suite,” right next to Judas Iscariot.

“Elevator going DOWN! ”


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Ian Paisley-“The Mouth That Roared”

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Now Ian Paisley ( the Politician who loved to say “NOI!” ie “no”) is retiring, what use can his gargantuan mouth be put to now? A not altogether attractive entrance to the Mersey Tunnel perhaps?

If You Believe David Cameron…..

Anti-David Cameron, Anti-Gordon Brown, Capitalisim, Conservative, Conservative Party, David Cameron, Gordon Brown, Gordon Brown jokes, Government, Hoodies, Humour, Jeremy Kyle, Labour Party, News, Parliament, Party Politics, Prime Minister, UK News, UK NEWS HEADLINES, World News

….he appears to think he is setting the political agenda, yes  he is pulling the strings and Gordon is dancing to his tune…..(that’s if you believe David Cameron….) Frightening really, that the Jeremy Kyle of Parliament is becoming rather more popular than he was some six weeks back

He also seems to think that all the best policy decisions made by any political party over the last 40 years have been his and his alone….. hmmmmm…mind you his family album shows Davey boy has always been one step ahead of the game…

Kanye West And Paul McCartney…….

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Hear a sneak preview of the Kanye/ Sir Paul collaboration below

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Yes misogynist middle class “home boy” Kanye West and the frog loving legend who solved racial tensions by comparing the question of multiculturalism to a piano keyboard, Sir Paul Mc Cartney are set to release a duet. Said Sir Paul, giving his cringe worthy trade mark “peace” sign ; “I respect Kanye’s refreshingly modern attitude towards women, I believe he calls them Bitchz and I am very much “down” with that expression, baby”. Sir Paul denies the record is a dig at his ex wife Heather, who was recently seen on TV wild eyed, extracting the stuffing from the GMTV sofa with her teeth, claiming it had been bugged, she also stated that every one in the world, ever is against her. In a revealing interview to a remarkably straight faced Fiona Phillips, Ms Mills McCartney explained that Princess Diana is in fact her spirit guide and she has taped evidence that Diana’s crash was no accident in the Parisian tunnel that fateful night. Ms Mills-McCartney states she can prove beyond doubt that it was in fact an amphibious yellow submarine that caused the accident. She claims the sub, expertly manned by Ringo Starr was carrying out evil Sir Paul’s sick and twisted instructions on pain of death. “Is it a coincidence that Linda, John And George are dead??… and what of Brian Epstein, Brian Jones Keith Moon …and JFK ? “.. she rambled …… The VP Express is not one to judge peoples sanity and has nothing more to add to these grave accusations other than “I am the walrus- coo coo ca choo, ca coo coo ca choo Ahem!

Hip- Hop ??

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The Dignity Of Parliament

Conservative Party, David Cameron, Gordon Brown, Government, Humour, Jeremy Kyle, Labour Party, News, Parliament, Politics, Punch And Judy, Topical, UK News

Yes, there’s nothing like well reasoned argument, mutual respect, and good manners , and yesterday in the House of Commons was nothing like it. Brown referred to the whole ill tempered episode as “Punch And Judy Politics” . If he’d have been “down with the kids, daddio” like Facebook loving Davey Cameron, he might have referred to it as Jeremy Kyle politics……

Come On Prime Minister, you are not the biological father of the inheritance tax policy are you ? We’ll have the results of the lie detector test after the break,”

So with a “yah, a boo” and dare I venture a “hiss” I submit…….is that really the way to do it ??

Listen to highlights of the most intellectual parliamentary exchange in years below

Human-Animal Embryo Study Wins Approval

Animal Testing, Boris Johnson, Buffoon, Business news, Capitalisim, Clown, Daily Express, Daily Mail, David Cameron, Embryo, Humour, London, London Mayor, Medicine, News, Party Politics, Press, Science, UK NEWS HEADLINES

Mixing cells and eggs is to be allowed in the search for new medical treatments. However this is not really news if you come from the sort of family where going to Eton and Balliol comes naturally. This sort of interbreeding has been going on for years. Sadly the results can often be quite horrific….

Shadow Of The Gun

Crime, Gangsters, Gun Crime, Guns, Henshaw, Hoodies, Liverpool, Liverpool City Council, News, Politics, Teenagers, UK Media, UK NEWS HEADLINES

The bullet that broke a communities heart – The Independant

When an 11 year old lad playing football with his mates gets gunned down in the street, you do wonder what the fuck the worlds coming too. Although gun crime is still quite unusual in the UK , it is showing a disturbing trend within some inner city areas , whereby young males feel the need to be armed to gain the respect of their peers. How times have changed, in my day it was who had the biggest flares , in my teens it was who’d dare stick a safety pin through their ear.

I spent many years working within Liverpool and their jubilation at winning the city of culture bid led to a total glossing over of the City’s problems. Council leaders at the time would just not engage with the City’s youth group leaders or listen to their problems other than on a purely superficial level . This would lead to neat media friendly sound bites which were willingly devoured by The “Liverpool Echo” who would then proceed to tell the world how great Liverpool was. As their noses grew bigger they would prattle on about the fact we don’t really have too much of a problem with street crime and violence, compared to other city’s of our size, as if this alone justified doing absolutely nothing to address the well documented behaviour of criminal elements within the city. If a statement or viewpoint didn’t include a positive spin on the city regarding The Beatles, football or that famous sense of humour the City Councils attitude was tantamount to shoving their fingers in their ears and shouting “lalala I cant hear you.” The mindset that prevailed within Council chambers was one of smugness and arrogance , yes, as with all public sector bodies there were of course, funding issues ,(oddly though there was always plenty of money available for consultants from SOLACE , who it transpired had (allegedly) been old University chums with number of Chief Officers within Liverpool ) but their refusal point blank to discuss anything they deemed “negative” was quite frankly, bonkers.

To be fair Liverpool is not the only city with such problems, Manchester and London have also revealed statistics which show an alarming increase in knife crimes and shootings and this of course is something which really does have to be addressed.

So whats going on? Has rap music made guns cool ? Violent video games ? Negative male role models ? Well it may be that the producers of such games and the musicians who glorify the gun may have to take a slightly more responsible attitude in future, as of course will parents ( A game has an 18 certificate because , guess what Mums and Dads ? Its only suitable for over 18’s) However state censorship has never really solved anything and the majority of normal well adjusted people in society could listen to rap till their ears were raw and play a “shoot ’em up” video games till their eyeballs crossed and not go out on a Columbine-esque shooting spree.

The Daily Mail of course would have you believe that every young person is a potential mugger, that all teenagers are in gangs fighting “turf wars” and that anybody wearing a hooded top is either a mugger or one of Lord Voldemort’s “death eaters” but in the real world this simply isn’t true, this just feeds into the culture of fear , leaving teenagers feeling even more alienated than ever. The media should afford our younger citizens a little more respect, the majority of teenagers are polite, thoughtful , (if a bit stroppy ) and don’t indulge in recreational Anti-Social behaviour. I’ve met many a crusty old buffer who has been far ruder, surly and anti social than your average teenager .

These shootings have little to do with teenage gangs per-se , to label them as such could appear to hand them the sort edgy, lawless notoriety they crave. This may well be about the media created culture of the moron and the wannabe, a world in which the media pays homage to minor celebs because they wear an item of jewelery which costs more than your average 3rd World counties national debt , the cult of you don’t have to have a talent to be famous …or even a brain.. and the bullshit of the Gunz n’Bitchez “Get Rich or Die Trying” philosophy.

If you cant be famous be infamous”

Except these cowardly thugs wont even be infamous , the only feelings they engender are ones of repugnance and pity

To quote Mr Jones, the father of 11 year old victim, Rhys.

“It shouldn’t be a case of wrong time, wrong place …. It just shouldn’t happen.”

M.O.D. To Gag Army Personnel Blogs

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Forces members will be banned from talking online and furthermore prevented from taking part in surveys, post on bulletin boards, or sending pictures or video material without permission, if the messages concern defence matters. Instead, “all such communication must help to maintain and, where possible, enhance the reputation of defence”.

Is this censorship gone mad? Would they do this if the “war” was going well? Or is it merely because, during the many conflicts of recent years , the U.K. has singularly failed to produce one decent war poet ? Whatever the reason, surely soldiers, sharing their experiences has aways been part of military life, and is for the individual, a form of catharsis ?

Historically society has always been able to read these experiences, such insights may well help us more fully understand the human cost of the futility of war.

Tory Party Take Radical Action To Contain Outbreak Of “Foot In Mouth”Disease

Boris Johnson, Clown, Conservative, Foot And Mouth, Greed, Humour, Ken Livingstone, London, London Mayor, News, Oaf, Popular Culture, Prime Minister, propaganda, Racist, showbiz, Spin, Tony Blair, Tory, UK Media, UK NEWS HEADLINES, World News

 


When does somebody cease to be an affable, eccentric oaf and become a bigoted, ignorant racist ? Sometimes a shake of the carefully manufactured ruffled head, a cry of “Oh Cripes!” and the trademark insincere mumbled, shoulder shrugging half-arsed apology through a schoolboy smirk just doesn’t cut the mustard .

 

The bigotry of bumbling Boris

BBC To Investigate Claims Of Product Placement

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It’s been a bad month or two for the Beeb , first the phone-in scandals , then the “misleading editing” . Now they are to review a number of shows to investigate claims of “product placement”.

This of course is nothing new , and is in fact set to increase, despite protestations from script writers “We’re not interested in injuring revenues on which we all depend,” the heads of the two Writers Guild branches wrote to their members. “But when writers are asked to construct stories around and for the benefit of potato chips or soft drinks, when our members are asked not only to be storytellers but advertisement copywriters as well, then things are getting out of hand. Writers must have greater input and control of this process.”

It is also slowly creeping into the world of pop , with Black Eyed Pea, Fergie, apparently agreeing to promote clothing within her song lyrics for the sum of $ 4 Million. Interscope records state”With record sales in decline, you must find novel ways to make money out of the music. The trick is to make the brand part of the song so that it slips down easily rather than chokes the fan. C****ie’s will have no say over exactly what Fergie will sing, or when. Fergie does not sing jingles so it will have to work unobtrusively in the song.” “My Humps, My Humps ,My Humps My Silver Spoon Sponsored  Sugar Lumps .” Yeah Right !

Of course with the arrival of technology that allows the viewer to completely bypass adverts , TV shows and Hollywood Studios will be looking at innovative ways to increase the non too subtle presence of advertising.

To see to what extent placement has taken over the movies have a look here

“Voters Turning Against Cameron?”

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David Cameron is losing his appeal to voters, according to a recent Guardian/ICM poll which suggests that many Conservative voters are losing their enthusiasm for the Tory leader. It also shows that he is no longer attracting new support to the party.

He just cant compete with the “Brown Bounce” factor , but what on God’s green earth is “Brown Bounce ?” ..Let me attempt to explain…..

Floods Are “Judgment On Society” Says Bishop

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The clearly insane Rt Rev Graham Dow, Bishop of Carlisle, argued that the recent floods in the UK are not just a result of a lack of respect for the planet, but also a judgment on society’s moral decadence.”We are in serious moral trouble because every type of lifestyle is now regarded as legitimate,” he said.

Our government has been playing the role of God in saying that people are free to act as they want,” he said, adding that the introduction of recent pro-gay laws highlighted its determination to undermine marriage.

“God’s Moral Judgement ? “

Harry Potter Help Line Set Up!

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A national children’s helpline says it’s ready to deal with calls from Potter fans who may feel emotionally traumatised after the final book in the series is published. Childline took a large volume of calls from teens who were upset when Take That split in 1996 and say a similar reaction may occur with the end of the Potter books.

It said “the death of any of the major characters in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows could be very hard on younger readers.” Dearie me, are we so emotionally retarded that we need counseling for fictional characters now ? Has the world gone completely mad ? Can they really be serious ?

Personally I was gutted when Sirius Black was killed off …sniffle.. DEAL WITH IT …ITS NOT REAL !

Daily Mail Ready To Attack Ken Livingstone (Again)

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Yup the Dail Mail announced it will back Boris Johnson in the London Mayoral election if he wins the Tory nomination , so watch out for attacks on Ken Livingstone and his” loony left Cuban loving cronies”. Possibly along the lines of “Vote For Ken And He’ll Corrupt Your Children With Books Such As ….

” This of course will lead to Daily Mail readers cowering in the corners mumbling “I always new Red Ken was a bad lot, what we need is Homeland Security”

David Cameron Insists Boris “A Serious Contender For London Mayors Job”

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David Cameron has insisted that  twice sacked  Boris Johnson was not a last resort as they sought a high profile candidate to challenge Ken Livinsgtone in next years Mayoral elections. “Boris is very serious about his candidature  and if selected would be a genuine contender for the post” said Cameron, keeping a remarkably straight face . Meanwhile at another photo call, Boris showed off his latest idea for environmentally friendly travel around the capital…..

Channel 4 News Say Criticism Unjustified

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Channel 4 have refuted allegations that they have dumbed down their news coverage of late

Beckham Mania Reaches Fever Pitch

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David Beckhams arrival in America provokes scenes not seen in the US since “Beatlemania” ,………….. or possibly not

Astronomers claim galaxy record

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Astronomers say they may have detected  some of the earliest galaxies to form in the Universe. They have pictures of what appear to be very faint galaxies from some 13 billion years ago, a mere 500 million years after the Big Bang. 

Anti-Terrorist Police And M15 Under Pressure

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Despite the fact that members of the July 21st suicide bomb plot were caught on surveillance photos, Police and M15 failed to follow up their inquiries . This quite rightly has provoked scrutiny of Britains intelligence and surveillance services following the conviction of four the terrorists. An intelligence source suggets that the response from security services has been some what disappointing ………

“All Clear”

Alastair Campbell – The Video Diaries -Found!

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Alastair And Tony, the story about a forbidden and secretive relationship between two cowboys and their lives over the years.

L’Oreal Found Guilty Of Racial Discrimination

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Part of the cosmetics giant L’Oreal has been found guilty of racial discrimination after it sought to exclude non-whites from promoting some of its products. Under the historic ruling — the first time a major company has been found guilty of systematic race discrimination in France — a senior figure at the agency was given a three-month suspended prison sentence. L’Oreal vowed to fight this ruling and C.O. Helena Le Puissance-Blanche said in a press release ” We at L’oreal are flabbergasted at this ruling . Some of my best friends are from Sénégal. I love Moroccan and Tunisian restaurants , and am a huge fan of Patrick Viera, I even own a copy of Whitney Houston’s greatest hits so to say we are racist and discriminatory is wrong as all my homies and bitchez will testify”

Pete Doherty Watch – Kate Moss Hits Back

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Meanwhile just beyond the enchanted forest , things are hotting up in la-la land……………………..

Kate Moss has denied that supermodels promote anorexia with their ridiculously stick thin bodies. “I eat a normal healthy diet” said Kate yesterday .“Most models do actually you know? Breakfast consists of two rounds of toast which I generously waft under my nose, before putting them in the recycling bin…. I recycle all my food one way or another . Lunch is normally at Sadie’s (Frost) where she prepares me a delicious grape, an ecstasy tablet and some laxatives . My main meal which I share with my boyfriend and modern day poet Peter (If he’s managed to avoid the Police ) consists of a take- away meal ,which smells lovely and gets my digestive juices burning off those nasty calories. I very much enjoy watching Peter eat, the way he drools and dribbles is just adorable!…. Are you telling me that’s not healthy ?” Disturbingly at this point Kate’s eyes glazed over and she started to chant in an unnaturally high sing-sing voice “Being thin is the most important thing in life; Thin is beautiful and good / obese is ugly and bad; You must feel very guilty every time you eat”

Gordon Brown Rejects “Style Over Content” Politics

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New Prime Minister Gordon “Call Me Gordy” Brown has vowed to do away with the politics of celebrity much loved by Tony Blair . “I’m here to serve and to be an ambassador for this country. I do not believe in Policticians becoming celebrities.” However despite this claim , spin doctors have attempted to “modernise” Gordo’s image as many Labour supporters remember Michael Foot and his “Duffle Coat of Shame”.

Gordo was initially resistant to a “trendification” of his image , but reluctantly accepted that in the media age , presentation unfortunately plays a major part in modern politics. He agreed to a slightly new look , which he unveiled yesterday whilst visiting a home for spastics.

The Spice Girls Reunion And The Pursuit Of Wealth

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It still smells as sh*t today as it always has

 

The Spice Girls reunion is something I hoped would fall flat on its face. They really do represent all that is wrong with the pop world (and also to a degree what is wrong with this corporate money grabbing modern world). They are the empty product of Simon Fuller a man who sees music not as an art form but as a cash cow. I mean how much money do these talentless air-heads need , their greed is just obscene. (tickets price at £200-£325-00, jesus!)

The irritating and bubble headed Posh Spice ,using one of her trademark vacuous soundbites, said of the currently planned world tour ” I`ll be leaving David at home to look after the kids -that’s real Girl Power!” Erm no it isn’t love , you’ll be leaving the kids with yet another nanny in the pursuit of money you don’t need and acclamation you won’t get. This is about YOU not them, theres nothing to be proud about abandoning your kids for a few months. Parenthood is a great responsibility that should fall on both parents, not the hired help . To be honest the kids probably won’t notice the difference as this couple appear to spend most of their time jetting around the world promoting their “brand”. Bizarrely this is a couple that were once dubbed “Celebrity parents of the year”.(WHY ???…..aha, cos it enables a celebrity magazine to plaster them all over their front cover and boost circulation no doubt?)

Is starving yourself into a twiglet and plonking on two surgically enhanced orbs onto your chest “Girl Power” too ? Passing your kids from one child minder to another, changing their schools and countrys as often as most five year olds change their socks is “Girl Power” is it ? Or maybe “Girl Power” is just a phrase thought up by marketing men shamelessly bandied about to attract young fans ? You can see examples of real “Girl Power” in everyday life (think nurses, think doctors, think mums, think women making it on their own terms in male dominated environments) but the Spice Girls are pretty much the complete opposite of the reality of this concept . Industry meat puppets , who’ll say and do anything in their avaristic pursuit of wealth.

So Posh when you return from your world tour some advice , check Davids phone eh ? Remember what happened last time he was left alone ? I hear he enjoys a bit of “textual healing”.Girl Power ? Don’t think so .

Money talks but it cant sing and dance …and neither can the Spice Girls

In sharp contrast to the mind numbing greed of the Spice Girls I came across this article , it really should make people stop and think ,what are our priorities in this idiotic society in which we live ?

http://ihscslnews.org/view_article.php?id=172

Shameful

UK smoking ban takes effect 1/07/2007

Beckham, Capitalisim, Girl Groups, Girl Power, Greed, Humour, Image, Music, News, Politics, Pop, Pop Music, Popular Culture, Posh Spice, PR, pretty ladies, Sex, smoking ban, spice girls, Spin, Style, UK Media, UK NEWS HEADLINES

Foul smelling , manufactured to hook youngsters, toxic , full of shite, a total waste of money, a product of faceless corporations designed at maximising profits ? Yes The Spice Girls are back !

Well I`ll tell you what I want what I really really want ?

I want you all to F**k Off

Pete Doherty Watch

Capitalisim, Chav, Christmas, drugs, Eating Disorders, Fashion, Greed, Humour, Image, indie, Kate Moss, Kerry Katona, Libertines, News, pete doherty, Politics, Pop, Pop Music, Popular Culture, TV, UK Media, Uncategorized

June 2007 – With 181 shopping days left to Christmas the high street retailers are already preparing their seasonal campaigns ……The “Iceland ” food chain unveil Kerry Katona’s new partner for a series of traditional festive ads to be broadcast from November 2007