The Poetry Of Boris Johnson

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Well the nations favourite bumbling, cretinous, interbred albino buffoon has decided that, not content with standing as candidate for London mayor, what we really need is a dose of Bo-Jo’s Wildean wit and stunningly clever verse. Yes his remarkable book which concerns a fictional family who refuse to let their children watch TV is certainly something that has left me quite astonished …… he certainly proves that when it comes to “rhyming and stealing” Jay-Z has nothing to worry about. More inane rhymes I venture, have not been published since….well …since the dawn of time, Johnson remarkably makes me yearn for the unbearable gibberish of the highly irritating Dr Zeuss. In fact I thought Welsh Football coach and ex-Liverpool player John Toshack’s Dylan Thomas-esque book of verse “Gosh It’s Tosh” would take some beating :-Coming in to land at Speke/My legs are feeling very weak/We’ve just returned from Barcelona/and now I’m going for a sauna.” But this is akin to WB Yeats compared to Boris’ efforts, check out these nuggets and tell me that Bozza’s time studying the classics wasn’t money well spent

“He’d zap the programme off and holler/’Go and read some Emile Zola.” – Profound in the extreme – I wager Zola would have saved the French government a job and actually blocked his own chimney to breathe in that sweet carbon monoxide if he’d have known he would have been name-checked within such facile tommy rot. But wait Boris has more gems for the discerning reader

“Behold them, reader, and despair:their lolling eyes, their glassy stare,

this formerly dynamic pair-In a double-seat wheelchair.” (WTF!!!!)

Despair indeed , and this from a man who was once “Tory Arts Champion” and stated in 2004 that he wished “to reverse the decline of verse” ….Yes the Boris Johnson “Make Poetry History” campaign has got off to a flyer!

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If You Believe David Cameron…..

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….he appears to think he is setting the political agenda, yes  he is pulling the strings and Gordon is dancing to his tune…..(that’s if you believe David Cameron….) Frightening really, that the Jeremy Kyle of Parliament is becoming rather more popular than he was some six weeks back

He also seems to think that all the best policy decisions made by any political party over the last 40 years have been his and his alone….. hmmmmm…mind you his family album shows Davey boy has always been one step ahead of the game…

Carry On Cameron- David Cameron Gets The Green Light

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Click Below To Hear the New Conservative Party Theme Tune

Oh how fickle are opinion polls, a week ago Eton Trifle David Cameron was less popular than a pool party at Michael Barrymore’s gaffe. Golden Brown and Ming The Mirthless were proving to be considerably more popular with the general public and Cameron was universally loathed and despised.

But hey a weeks a long time in politics and after Cameron’s extraordinary conference display its a case of “Everybody Loves Davey.” But what the devil caused such a miraculous transformation ? Did he announce radical new policies , did he turn water into wine , well the latter’s more likely than the former for Davey boy to be honest … but nope he performed ….a conference speech without strings wires or a safety net , yes, he didn’t have an auto cue (collective gasp!) Politically it may be a brave thing to do, and certainly it was spun in such a way that the fact that a politician has a memory and can form sentences is something that should,quite reasonably, secure Cameron the keys to Number 10 until the end of time if not longer ( Sorry Ming , your out old son.) But those who whisper in revered tones “it was unscripted” seem to be under the false impression it was some sort of improv off the cuff speech. Come on ! We all know hes been preparing it for months, learning it page by page night after night , and credit where credits due it was a well acted piece if not quite Olivier’s Hamlet.

Sadly the Tories still let themselves down, John Harris’ excellent piece in The Guardian (Here ) shows that their approach to The NHS for example is even more worrying than Gordos (and of course race , but thats another story) Not really a wise move to represent nurses in a charity calender not as well educated , dedicated health professionals , but as public school boy wank fantasies. Not really going to get them on your side is it eh chaps? Of course Sid the sexist types will say the sexual objectification of female nurses is of course “harmless fun,” (See MP and New-man, Tim Laughton’s justification here ) and the only people objecting are the humorless Millie Tant types and hairy legged lesbians, Oh and not forgetting the ” You know what she needs “ brigade….. sadly its still 1974 in some peoples heads.

So Davey boy, unscripted or not , its not quite “Whoose Line Is It Anyway?” Nope it’s still more a case of “Carry On Dick”

Tory Party Take Radical Action To Contain Outbreak Of “Foot In Mouth”Disease

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When does somebody cease to be an affable, eccentric oaf and become a bigoted, ignorant racist ? Sometimes a shake of the carefully manufactured ruffled head, a cry of “Oh Cripes!” and the trademark insincere mumbled, shoulder shrugging half-arsed apology through a schoolboy smirk just doesn’t cut the mustard .

 

The bigotry of bumbling Boris

Under Fire Cameron Defends Rwandan Trip

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David Cameron has defended his visit to Rwanda despite many voters and parliamentarians criticising him for not cancelling due to the severe flooding in his constituency. This trip also coincided with a number of newspapers turning a critical eye on Mps travel expenses . The Daily Wail says the total paid out to cover travel,and other costs rose by an above-inflation 5.5%. Of course Mr Cameron, would never fiddle his expenses or demand first class travel and five star accommodation, would he?

“Voters Turning Against Cameron?”

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David Cameron is losing his appeal to voters, according to a recent Guardian/ICM poll which suggests that many Conservative voters are losing their enthusiasm for the Tory leader. It also shows that he is no longer attracting new support to the party.

He just cant compete with the “Brown Bounce” factor , but what on God’s green earth is “Brown Bounce ?” ..Let me attempt to explain…..

Boris Johnson Insists He Will Be A “Credible” Candidate For London

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The Tories had been struggling to find a high-profile candidate to take on Ken Livingstone in the London Mayor elections. Greg Dyke, Sir John Major and Sir Digby Jones were not persuaded to stand. The Conservatives were forced to delay the deadline for applications amid reports that no candidates of sufficient prominence had put themselves forward…until today………..at last they have a credible candidate….Ta-Dah,… I give you… Boris  Yeltsin Johnson

Later that day……….Boris tries to win over potential voters by visiting a local mosque