Jeremy Beadle, well known joker and candid camera style prankster has died. Apprently the poor fellow was denied medical treatment for years, as his whole
family thought he was playing an elaborate practical joke. Even his Gp Dr Enst
Van Tickler scoffed at Mr. Beadles claims of illness saying “Come along Jeremy,
very funny,you really are a hoot, but I do have patients to deal with…”
I guess Jeremy really did have the last laugh
So it transpires that Gordon Brown sought to appoint GMTV’s Fiona Phillips to a ministerial post (story here ), as he sees her as a “great communicator”.Brown is obviously taken with Phillips hard hitting interview style, and ability to get the big names on the GMTV couch, it’s believed the next stellar name she will be interviewing is Christopher Biggins. Phillips promises a “full and frank, no holds barred ” discussion in which she promises to reveal all about the seedy side of Panto, and ask the questions only she dare ask …for example, does he find cries of “behind you” during Panto, slightly homophobic? She also alludes to the fact that Biggins is to reveal how his dyslexia almost led to him losing his most famous role, that of Widow Twanky, and he could also openly discuss the shockingly true nature of his sexuality. Despite Ms Phillips turning down Gordos offer the VP Express can exclusively reveal that the Prime Minister has not given up hope of attracting a Celeb in order to curry favour with the voters. We can in fact reveal that Gordon is indeed much impressed by another lady currently appearing on TV. A lady whose diplomacy, and straight talking is legendary,she may be a little “off the wall” but Brown can see that her no nonsense approach is something the public have responded too and he is keen to cash in and ride the populist wave, rather like a fat sour faced Scottish David Hasslehoff, with thread veins and a face hewn from lumpy dough.
Crazed Looney Toon Released After Celebrity Chef Threats
Yes its worse than the hippity-hop brigade . Celebrity chefs in “Cornish Turf War Shocker!!” News reaches us that Jamie “Phat Tongue” O and Ricky “Fry Master” Stein have been getting threats from the Cornish Liberation Army (CLA). Armed only with pitchforks, cider and enormous big flappy ears due to the questionable gene pool , these boys surely don’t think they can take on the might of these brutal TV Chef overlords???
The VP Express’ sources suggest that in reality the CLA is merely a front for a shocking campaign of hate waged by the highly eccentric vicious, and alarmingly overweight bully-boy, Anthony “Wozza” Thompson. His jealousy of Jamie Oliver and Rick Stein is legendary within the cut throat world of culinary celebrity. Forget Tupac , and Notorious Big , its the Homeboyz of cookery y`all better be watching out for . Word.
Only last week MC Flambé (or the Cook Formerly Known As Gary Rhodes to you and me ) was the victim of a drive by cookin’. These guys are serious, Big Daddy A (Ainsley) may look like an amiable family entertainer, but beneath this jovial facade hides the nations most evil cookery pimp. His plan to produce a show called “Ready, Steady ‘Ho ” has been rejected by the BBC, calling it “offensive” and “demeaning”. Harriot responded by sending a set of cookery knives to the BBC board threatening to “cut Nigella’s T*ts Off ” and “go over to ITV”. It’s a situation that sadly, appears to have no resolution in sight.