Cameron Denies Making Up Story About Unruly Schoolboy

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David Cameron has been charged with fabricating a story about an unruly schoolboy for political gain, see original story here . Cameron denies his story was a complete work of fiction dreamt up by the Tory spin machine……..reports that Richmal Crompton’s estate are to sue have yet to be confirmed

Human-Animal Embryo Study Wins Approval

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Mixing cells and eggs is to be allowed in the search for new medical treatments. However this is not really news if you come from the sort of family where going to Eton and Balliol comes naturally. This sort of interbreeding has been going on for years. Sadly the results can often be quite horrific….

BBC To Investigate Claims Of Product Placement

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It’s been a bad month or two for the Beeb , first the phone-in scandals , then the “misleading editing” . Now they are to review a number of shows to investigate claims of “product placement”.

This of course is nothing new , and is in fact set to increase, despite protestations from script writers “We’re not interested in injuring revenues on which we all depend,” the heads of the two Writers Guild branches wrote to their members. “But when writers are asked to construct stories around and for the benefit of potato chips or soft drinks, when our members are asked not only to be storytellers but advertisement copywriters as well, then things are getting out of hand. Writers must have greater input and control of this process.”

It is also slowly creeping into the world of pop , with Black Eyed Pea, Fergie, apparently agreeing to promote clothing within her song lyrics for the sum of $ 4 Million. Interscope records state”With record sales in decline, you must find novel ways to make money out of the music. The trick is to make the brand part of the song so that it slips down easily rather than chokes the fan. C****ie’s will have no say over exactly what Fergie will sing, or when. Fergie does not sing jingles so it will have to work unobtrusively in the song.” “My Humps, My Humps ,My Humps My Silver Spoon Sponsored  Sugar Lumps .” Yeah Right !

Of course with the arrival of technology that allows the viewer to completely bypass adverts , TV shows and Hollywood Studios will be looking at innovative ways to increase the non too subtle presence of advertising.

To see to what extent placement has taken over the movies have a look here

I-Phones Boost Apple

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Apple has made strong three-month profits, helped by Mac and iPhone sales, even though the phones were only available for two days of the quarter. Coupled with the phenominal success  of the I-pod, Steve Jobs has declared that his  aim now is to take over the world and enslave mankind. Said Jobs , yesterday ” Sometimes you don’t need an Army to expand your Empire “

Under Fire Cameron Defends Rwandan Trip

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David Cameron has defended his visit to Rwanda despite many voters and parliamentarians criticising him for not cancelling due to the severe flooding in his constituency. This trip also coincided with a number of newspapers turning a critical eye on Mps travel expenses . The Daily Wail says the total paid out to cover travel,and other costs rose by an above-inflation 5.5%. Of course Mr Cameron, would never fiddle his expenses or demand first class travel and five star accommodation, would he?

Boris Johnson Insists He Will Be A “Credible” Candidate For London

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The Tories had been struggling to find a high-profile candidate to take on Ken Livingstone in the London Mayor elections. Greg Dyke, Sir John Major and Sir Digby Jones were not persuaded to stand. The Conservatives were forced to delay the deadline for applications amid reports that no candidates of sufficient prominence had put themselves forward…until today………..at last they have a credible candidate….Ta-Dah,… I give you… Boris  Yeltsin Johnson

Later that day……….Boris tries to win over potential voters by visiting a local mosque

Daily Mail Crank Up Anti-Gordon Brown Campaign

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This is really a response to a headline which I’d spotted in the Daily Express entitled “The Madness Of Gordon Brown”. ,(The Mail And The Express are renowned for their unhysterical and reasonable journalism,) in which it claimed Big Gordo wants all our kids to learn Urdu and all school uniforms will be replaced by berkas. He also plans to remove the word “Great” from Great Britain, prescribe free garlic for the under fives and is apparently planning an amnesty on sausages before a total ban. All the tabloids are fairly ludicrous but the Mail pips it for me with their ridiculous rants and po-faced missives on of the “culture of fear ” promoting paranoia on a daily basis, a world in which  around every corner there is a terrorist/asylum seeker or hoodie waiting to pounce. The poor journalists must be shitting themselves.  The paper really has gone beyond self parody, it’s everyman for himself and trust nobody ….Theres nothing like well balanced journalism and this is ,well…., nothing like it .

Channel 4 News Say Criticism Unjustified

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Channel 4 have refuted allegations that they have dumbed down their news coverage of late

LA Galaxy Shirts In Demand

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David Beckhams arrival as LA Galaxy’s new signing has prompted a huge demand for the new team shirt. The teams new sponsers are said to be humbled yet delighted . David and Victoria’s new bestest friend Tom Cruise said yesterday “Man is an immortal, spiritual being. His experience extends well beyond a single lifetime. His capabilities are unlimited, even if not presently realized — and those capabilities can be realized. He is able to not only solve his own problems, accomplish his goals and gain lasting happiness, but also achieve new, higher states of awareness and ability.” Erm Ok….

Manchester Angry At Super Casino Rethink

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Manchester gets a clear message from Brown about the perils of gambling, and about their chances of getting the proposed super casino

David Cameron In Policy Shocker

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The shock being that he has one , not so shocking was, its a bit shit and a bit like “back to basics ” and when it comes down to it, he hasn’t really decided how it will work . Still hes’s used the “broken down Britain” soundbite quite a bit , although hes not sure about that either.

Alastair Campbell – The Video Diaries -Found!

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Alastair And Tony, the story about a forbidden and secretive relationship between two cowboys and their lives over the years.

The Alastair Campbell Diaries

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Yup Blairs right arm (?) Alastair Campbell publishes his “warts and all account” of life at No.10 . Promising it to be hard hitting and truthful , one wonders when Mr Campbell became acquainted with the concept of ” truth ?” Excerpts thus far include the following gushing references to Tony Blair (or “TB “as Toxic Ali calls him ) ” His performance today had been superb“and “he did a brilliant put down to the Lib Dems” followed by yet more badly written fawning “TB was good in the use of language and captured the sense of ocassion “ or how about the arse-licking beauty of “TB had definately come out on top-His performance today had been brilliant” zzzzzz.

In possibly the least shocking revelation in the history of the world ..like….EVER, Ali tells us that “TB” once stated “Its important I understood why parts Of Thatcherisim are right” , and ” What gives me a real edge is that I`m not as Labour as you lot. ” GASP!!! WELL I NEVER . That Mr Tony certainly pulled the wool over the eyes of the party membership.Why I always thought he was a dyed in the wool socialist and no mistake?

Campbell goes on to recall, with misty eyed nostalgia the day TB parachuted behind enemy lines and rescued several western hostages disarming their captors using only his ready smile and sincere rhetoric ……Hopefully the book will include a free sick bag!

PS. I’m starting to get the notion that TB actually stand for Total Bollocks

 

L’Oreal Found Guilty Of Racial Discrimination

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Part of the cosmetics giant L’Oreal has been found guilty of racial discrimination after it sought to exclude non-whites from promoting some of its products. Under the historic ruling — the first time a major company has been found guilty of systematic race discrimination in France — a senior figure at the agency was given a three-month suspended prison sentence. L’Oreal vowed to fight this ruling and C.O. Helena Le Puissance-Blanche said in a press release ” We at L’oreal are flabbergasted at this ruling . Some of my best friends are from Sénégal. I love Moroccan and Tunisian restaurants , and am a huge fan of Patrick Viera, I even own a copy of Whitney Houston’s greatest hits so to say we are racist and discriminatory is wrong as all my homies and bitchez will testify”