Well the nations favourite bumbling, cretinous, interbred albino buffoon has decided that, not content with standing as candidate for London mayor, what we really need is a dose of Bo-Jo’s Wildean wit and stunningly clever verse. Yes his remarkable book which concerns a fictional family who refuse to let their children watch TV is certainly something that has left me quite astonished …… he certainly proves that when it comes to “rhyming and stealing” Jay-Z has nothing to worry about. More inane rhymes I venture, have not been published since….well …since the dawn of time, Johnson remarkably makes me yearn for the unbearable gibberish of the highly irritating Dr Zeuss. In fact I thought Welsh Football coach and ex-Liverpool player John Toshack’s Dylan Thomas-esque book of verse “Gosh It’s Tosh” would take some beating :-“Coming in to land at Speke/My legs are feeling very weak/We’ve just returned from Barcelona/and now I’m going for a sauna.” But this is akin to WB Yeats compared to Boris’ efforts, check out these nuggets and tell me that Bozza’s time studying the classics wasn’t money well spent
“He’d zap the programme off and holler/’Go and read some Emile Zola.” – Profound in the extreme – I wager Zola would have saved the French government a job and actually blocked his own chimney to breathe in that sweet carbon monoxide if he’d have known he would have been name-checked within such facile tommy rot. But wait Boris has more gems for the discerning reader
“Behold them, reader, and despair:their lolling eyes, their glassy stare,
this formerly dynamic pair-In a double-seat wheelchair.” (WTF!!!!)
Despair indeed , and this from a man who was once “Tory Arts Champion” and stated in 2004 that he wished “to reverse the decline of verse” ….Yes the Boris Johnson “Make Poetry History” campaign has got off to a flyer!
Mixing cells and eggs is to be allowed in the search for new medical treatments. However this is not really news if you come from the sort of family where going to Eton and Balliol comes naturally. This sort of interbreeding has been going on for years. Sadly the results can often be quite horrific….
When does somebody cease to be an affable, eccentric oaf and become a bigoted, ignorant racist ? Sometimes a shake of the carefully manufactured ruffled head, a cry of “Oh Cripes!” and the trademark insincere mumbled, shoulder shrugging half-arsed apology through a schoolboy smirk just doesn’t cut the mustard .
Yup the Dail Mail announced it will back Boris Johnson in the London Mayoral election if he wins the Tory nomination , so watch out for attacks on Ken Livingstone and his” loony left Cuban loving cronies”. Possibly along the lines of “Vote For Ken And He’ll Corrupt Your Children With Books Such As ….
” This of course will lead to Daily Mail readers cowering in the corners mumbling “I always new Red Ken was a bad lot, what we need is Homeland Security”
David Cameron has insisted that twice sacked Boris Johnson was not a last resort as they sought a high profile candidate to challenge Ken Livinsgtone in next years Mayoral elections. “Boris is very serious about his candidature and if selected would be a genuine contender for the post” said Cameron, keeping a remarkably straight face . Meanwhile at another photo call, Boris showed off his latest idea for environmentally friendly travel around the capital…..
The Tories had been struggling to find a high-profile candidate to take on Ken Livingstone in the London Mayor elections. Greg Dyke, Sir John Major and Sir Digby Jones were not persuaded to stand. The Conservatives were forced to delay the deadline for applications amid reports that no candidates of sufficient prominence had put themselves forward…until today………..at last they have a credible candidate….Ta-Dah,… I give you… Boris Yeltsin Johnson
Later that day……….Boris tries to win over potential voters by visiting a local mosque