Nick Clegg Admits ‘Power Is My Viagra’.

Humour

Nick Clegg does a Sally Bercow

The VP Express  uncovers the capital’s sexiest places: Here Nick Clegg describes the appeal of living in view of David Cameron‘s shiny pink arse.

The view from number 10 is incredibly sexy, particularly at night with the moon and the glow from the old gas lamps. When David  and I were first courting we used to walk along the South Bank and look at the Houses of Parliament. I never realised then how sexy I would find living under Big Dave with his bells chiming.

Politicians as a breed, aside from maybe Eric Pickles, aren’t particularly sexy but I think politics can be sexy because power is an aphrodisiac. I can’t enough of it .  Since Dave became Prime Minister, the number of women who hit him has gone up dramatically. I don’t get jealous because more men hit me too. I think it’s hilarious and extremely flattering that I’ve been referred to as the Barry Chuckle of British politics.


I don’t mind people knowing about my history of one-night stands, broken promises and alcoholism. I was a bit souped-up when I was  Leon Brittain’s  European Union policy adviser in my twenties. I’m not proud of it but I’m not ashamed either. I do feel sexier now I’m older and I’ve stopped drinking. I think I grew up in my thirties and gained control of myself.


For dates I like to go somewhere down to earth, and you can’t get more low brow than crawling in  Hell’s gutter  on a double date with Rebekah Brooks and James Murdoch. I’ve got a sweet tooth so I find puddings, particularly chocolate, very sexy and  it also helps sweeten the bitter pill Lib Dems have been forced to swallow of late. This Valentine’s Day, David is destroying the country in the evening, so I will probably be eating a Chinese takeaway and a bar of chocolate on my own upstairs…just waiting to feel his touch, to bask in his glory and hopefully  enjoy mutual approbation later.   The most romantic thing I’ve ever done for  David is to allow him to f*ck me and my party up our collective arse.  He’s a very lucky man.  “

With apologies to Sally Bercow and The London Evening Standard

The BBC and the ‘C’ word parts 1, 2 and 3

Humour

BBC and The C Word !

‘Ever get the feeing people are trying to tell you something ?’

Brillo bonced Newsnight Rotweiller, Jeremy Paxman recently  added himself to the illustrious band of  BBC broadcast journalists to reveal their subconscious  feelings toward the fucking twats, ahem, excuse me, I’m sorry, I mean the  coalition. This week he joined James Naughtie and Andrew Marr as the third person to mention the ‘C’ word  in relation to the government when he said ‘Supposing, though, some of the people who ought to be paying taxes so the cunts, cuts aren’t so bad aren’t actually doing so.” It certainly echos what most of the country is feeling at present, so let’s enjoy them in all their glory once more…..

Jeremy Paxman

James Naughtie

Andrew Marr