“X” mas Message 2009

Humour

The Puppet Master

“Simon and Cheryl-Secret Recording” 😉

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If the suggestion  that Simon Cowell wants to enter politics with an X-Factor style political show doesn’t fill your heart with dread then you probably deserve him.

“Ant, Dec? What do the public think ? Should we pull the troops out. Let’s get the public to decide!.

[ Cue gratuitous close-up of grieving Army mum  looking tearfully at a photo of her son and set to a heart rending  Leona Lewis song.  Cut to  close up of a concerned looking Simon] …..

Simon: “Afghanistan ? EVEN  I don’t understand what’s going on there the public deserves the truth which can only be discovered by a premium line phone vote” (Story here .)

But before you rush off and vote for Simon or imagine Clarkeson as Minister For Transport , “Dr” Gillian McKeith as Health Minister , Ant & Dec as  Cultural Ambassadors or  Vernon Kaye as Minister For Vacuous  Twattery,  before you embrace that particular cultural and political  Armageddon , lets examine how Cowell manipulates the (willing )public on say, mind rotting shite like  The X-Factor, let’s do the maths.

“Do You Want The Truth Or Something Beautiful?”

Oblong Headed Oligarch of Pop : “Every single person who fills in an application form does so because they want to prove to the judges that they have what it takes, that “X” that “It” that “Pow!” which will propel them from the humdrum inadequacy of their current existence towards that mythical nirvana called the “celebrity life-style”. They all think they have a chance. That once they get in front of those three famous judges they have a genuine chance, no matter how small, of all their dreams coming true.

But they’re not going to get in front of us are they? At least not about ninety four thousand of them. The chances of them getting to perform for the judges are tiny!”

So it’s all a lie??

Oblong Headed Oligarch of Pop: “Of course it isn’t a lie!!! It’s show business. It’s entertainment. We don’t deceive anybody. The information is already there for people if they want to see it, they only have to do the maths. Ninety Five thousand contestants, three judges. How could we possibly consider even a fraction of that number? Say we did ten an hour, that’s nine thousand five hundred hours. Assuming we worked a ten hour day that would be nine hundred and fifty days!! That’s nearly three years we would have to be sitting there behind a trestle table saying “I think you need to find another dream” to an endless stream of idiots and that’s if we worked flat out without a break !

People can work it out if they want to. The only have to do the maths. But they don’t want to do the Maths. Why should they? Any more than they would watch a film that reminded them that it was only actors reciting a script.”*

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*Ben Elton “Chart Throb”

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3 thoughts on ““X” mas Message 2009

  1. He’ll fit right in amongst all the other sound-bite self serving politicians! What’s it they say? The only person who ever entered parliament with good intentions was Guy Fawkes!

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