Charlton Heston Dead

Humour, News, Popular Culture, Prime Minister, Uncategorized, World News

Holy Moses ! Finally !

He’ll be going somewhere a little hot me thinks (Story)


On Tuesday evening we can reveal that Charlton Heston rather hopefully showed up at the pearly gates, assault rifle jauntily slung over his shoulder, as he prepared to meet his maker.  He was greeted at “Heavens Gate” by Saint Peter who had assumed the form of Cornelius from the Planet Of The Apes movies. We can also exclusively divulge that Charlton said unto Peter

Oh lordy, if I’d have known that you were an ape, I would never have made that movie”,

and Peter replied “If you also knew that 80% of the people here are victims of gun violence, would you still have been the president of the NRA? Come along now Charlton please, give me the gun “

“From my Cold Dead Hands” mumbles a cantankerous old Charlton

Our souce in heaven tells us that Saint Peter smiled and gently tried to take the gun from Charlton’s stiffened gnarled old fingers, which were indeed cold and dead,  and were suffering from the advanced stages of rigor mortis, resembling an arthritic pigeons hideously deformed feet.

Alas Charlton was displeased

“Take your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape!” he roared, thus ensuring a booking for all eternity at “The Ninth Circle” Lodge in the exclusive ” Judecca Suite,” right next to Judas Iscariot.

“Elevator going DOWN! ”

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8 thoughts on “Charlton Heston Dead

  1. now I’ve stopped laughing at the story above, the serious bit.
    He was a true “American Idiot” full of macismo and hateful stupidity. He always manipulated the facts badly,wouldnt see the truth, the guy was a jerk and now he’s gone. I’ll not shed a tear.

    “Homicide rates tend to be related to firearm ownership levels. Everything else being equal, a reduction in the percentage of households owning firearms should occasion a drop in the homicide rate”.Evidence to the Cullen Inquiry 1996: Thomas Gabor, Professor of Criminology – University of Ottawa

    “The level of gun ownership world-wide is directly related to murder and suicide rates and specifically to the level of death by gunfire.”

    International Correlation between gun ownership and rates of homicide and suicide.’ Professor Martin Killias, May 1993.

  2. Goddamn limey faggots, its why we need guns with assholes like you around. F**k U, Heston said a gun in the hands of a good man is no threat, unless you are a bad man

  3. Well there Jim (Bob) I think this attitude shows why I feel a little uneasy about you having liberal access to firearms.

    Of Charlton’s remark its exceptionally simplistic, but then so was his whole ideology. I tend to think a good script in the hands of a bad actor will always produce a shite performance. Run along little fella go polish your Uzi’s and jerk off to guns and ammo and feel like a “real man”


    A Limey Faggotxxxx

  4. Ooooh Like a date or something? Shall I bring my banjo ? How will I recognise your home ? The one with the confederate flag gaily odorning your trailer, and the dead animals on the washing line ?

    I am trembling with excitment.

  5. Crikey, Big Jim, you sound like ever such a level-headed and well-balanced type of a chap. An advocate of gun ownership, and homophobic to boot? Now I remember what’s putting me off that big old trip to the United States – perhaps I’ll just stay on our little windswept isle for now instead.

  6. yes Big Jim (bob) wins the star prize, a white pillow slip with eye holes to go with his burning cross. I’m sure he’d approve.

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