Holy Moses ! Finally !
He’ll be going somewhere a little hot me thinks (Story)
On Tuesday evening we can reveal that Charlton Heston rather hopefully showed up at the pearly gates, assault rifle jauntily slung over his shoulder, as he prepared to meet his maker. He was greeted at “Heavens Gate” by Saint Peter who had assumed the form of Cornelius from the Planet Of The Apes movies. We can also exclusively divulge that Charlton said unto Peter
“Oh lordy, if I’d have known that you were an ape, I would never have made that movie”,
and Peter replied “If you also knew that 80% of the people here are victims of gun violence, would you still have been the president of the NRA? Come along now Charlton please, give me the gun “
“From my Cold Dead Hands” mumbles a cantankerous old Charlton
Our souce in heaven tells us that Saint Peter smiled and gently tried to take the gun from Charlton’s stiffened gnarled old fingers, which were indeed cold and dead, and were suffering from the advanced stages of rigor mortis, resembling an arthritic pigeons hideously deformed feet.
Alas Charlton was displeased
“Take your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape!” he roared, thus ensuring a booking for all eternity at “The Ninth Circle” Lodge in the exclusive ” Judecca Suite,” right next to Judas Iscariot.