Yes its worse than the hippity-hop brigade . Celebrity chefs in “Cornish Turf War Shocker!!” News reaches us that Jamie “Phat Tongue” O and Ricky “Fry Master” Stein have been getting threats from the Cornish Liberation Army (CLA). Armed only with pitchforks, cider and enormous big flappy ears due to the questionable gene pool , these boys surely don’t think they can take on the might of these brutal TV Chef overlords???
The VP Express’ sources suggest that in reality the CLA is merely a front for a shocking campaign of hate waged by the highly eccentric vicious, and alarmingly overweight bully-boy, Anthony “Wozza” Thompson. His jealousy of Jamie Oliver and Rick Stein is legendary within the cut throat world of culinary celebrity. Forget Tupac , and Notorious Big , its the Homeboyz of cookery y`all better be watching out for . Word.
Only last week MC Flambé (or the Cook Formerly Known As Gary Rhodes to you and me ) was the victim of a drive by cookin’. These guys are serious, Big Daddy A (Ainsley) may look like an amiable family entertainer, but beneath this jovial facade hides the nations most evil cookery pimp. His plan to produce a show called “Ready, Steady ‘Ho ” has been rejected by the BBC, calling it “offensive” and “demeaning”. Harriot responded by sending a set of cookery knives to the BBC board threatening to “cut Nigella’s T*ts Off ” and “go over to ITV”. It’s a situation that sadly, appears to have no resolution in sight.