Deathly Hollow – Harry Potter-Finished

Books, Daniel Radcliffe, Dumbledore, HArry Potter, Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows, harry potter counseling line, HArry Potter World Exclusive, Hermione Grainger, Humour, JK Rowling, Popular fiction, Ron Weasley, Severus Snape, UK NEWS HEADLINES, Voldemort, World News

The sound of sobbing echoed through the corridors of the VP Express this week. It transpired that some amongst us had finally ended our long journey sharing the wonderful adventures of one Mr H. Potter. Copies of the final novel in this marvellous series lay scattered about the office, many sodden in tears, as we bid a painful farewell to Harry and his brave chums.

But fear not help is at hand, using only the finest magical herbs including gillyweed, flitterbloom, fluxweed and gurdyroot we have produced a sure fire homeopathic remedy to chase the blues away. From the same people who brought you “Lightning Scar” Migraine relief, Andus Campbledore & Co. Ltd gives you..

Ps. Could somebody maybe run the wands thing by me again though ?


Shadow Of The Gun

Crime, Gangsters, Gun Crime, Guns, Henshaw, Hoodies, Liverpool, Liverpool City Council, News, Politics, Teenagers, UK Media, UK NEWS HEADLINES

The bullet that broke a communities heart – The Independant

When an 11 year old lad playing football with his mates gets gunned down in the street, you do wonder what the fuck the worlds coming too. Although gun crime is still quite unusual in the UK , it is showing a disturbing trend within some inner city areas , whereby young males feel the need to be armed to gain the respect of their peers. How times have changed, in my day it was who had the biggest flares , in my teens it was who’d dare stick a safety pin through their ear.

I spent many years working within Liverpool and their jubilation at winning the city of culture bid led to a total glossing over of the City’s problems. Council leaders at the time would just not engage with the City’s youth group leaders or listen to their problems other than on a purely superficial level . This would lead to neat media friendly sound bites which were willingly devoured by The “Liverpool Echo” who would then proceed to tell the world how great Liverpool was. As their noses grew bigger they would prattle on about the fact we don’t really have too much of a problem with street crime and violence, compared to other city’s of our size, as if this alone justified doing absolutely nothing to address the well documented behaviour of criminal elements within the city. If a statement or viewpoint didn’t include a positive spin on the city regarding The Beatles, football or that famous sense of humour the City Councils attitude was tantamount to shoving their fingers in their ears and shouting “lalala I cant hear you.” The mindset that prevailed within Council chambers was one of smugness and arrogance , yes, as with all public sector bodies there were of course, funding issues ,(oddly though there was always plenty of money available for consultants from SOLACE , who it transpired had (allegedly) been old University chums with number of Chief Officers within Liverpool ) but their refusal point blank to discuss anything they deemed “negative” was quite frankly, bonkers.

To be fair Liverpool is not the only city with such problems, Manchester and London have also revealed statistics which show an alarming increase in knife crimes and shootings and this of course is something which really does have to be addressed.

So whats going on? Has rap music made guns cool ? Violent video games ? Negative male role models ? Well it may be that the producers of such games and the musicians who glorify the gun may have to take a slightly more responsible attitude in future, as of course will parents ( A game has an 18 certificate because , guess what Mums and Dads ? Its only suitable for over 18’s) However state censorship has never really solved anything and the majority of normal well adjusted people in society could listen to rap till their ears were raw and play a “shoot ’em up” video games till their eyeballs crossed and not go out on a Columbine-esque shooting spree.

The Daily Mail of course would have you believe that every young person is a potential mugger, that all teenagers are in gangs fighting “turf wars” and that anybody wearing a hooded top is either a mugger or one of Lord Voldemort’s “death eaters” but in the real world this simply isn’t true, this just feeds into the culture of fear , leaving teenagers feeling even more alienated than ever. The media should afford our younger citizens a little more respect, the majority of teenagers are polite, thoughtful , (if a bit stroppy ) and don’t indulge in recreational Anti-Social behaviour. I’ve met many a crusty old buffer who has been far ruder, surly and anti social than your average teenager .

These shootings have little to do with teenage gangs per-se , to label them as such could appear to hand them the sort edgy, lawless notoriety they crave. This may well be about the media created culture of the moron and the wannabe, a world in which the media pays homage to minor celebs because they wear an item of jewelery which costs more than your average 3rd World counties national debt , the cult of you don’t have to have a talent to be famous …or even a brain.. and the bullshit of the Gunz n’Bitchez “Get Rich or Die Trying” philosophy.

If you cant be famous be infamous”

Except these cowardly thugs wont even be infamous , the only feelings they engender are ones of repugnance and pity

To quote Mr Jones, the father of 11 year old victim, Rhys.

“It shouldn’t be a case of wrong time, wrong place …. It just shouldn’t happen.”

Keane Blasts “Soft”Players For Listening To WAGS

Feminism, Football, Man United, Mike Newell, Posh Spice, Roy Keane, Sexist, Sport, Steven Gerrard, Sunderland, UK NEWS HEADLINES, UK sport, WAGS, Women

Yes Roy Keane’s had a pop at certain players , stating that footballers who apparently allow their wives and girlfriends to dictate which clubs they play for, based purely on which city has the best range of shops, are “soft” and “weak”. The only womans movement Roy seems concerned about is trying to get them and their husbands to move to Sunderland

There may be a grain of truth in what he says , its common place these days to see pics of Colleen, Cheryl and Posh maxing out their credit cards on naff designer gear. Indeed Steven Gerrard’s air-headed wife has one of the most pointless news paper columns known to man, “Shopping With Alex” . Yes tips on “how to shop”, (not, it may suprise you tips on how to “allegedly” glass somebody in a Liverpool restaurant.). I await Cheryl Cole’s up coming newspaper column “Sitting With Cheryl “ giving useful tips on things such as “Sitting”  with much excitement

However surely making any major lifestyle decision to uproot your family from one city to another is something most reasonable people would discuss with their partners ? Not in the world of football it would seem, still stuck in the 1970s I’m afraid , “pull yer knickers up , make me a cuppa, oh and pack your bags lass, we’re off to Sunderland.”

Look at Mike Newell’s rantings a while back “She shouldn’t be here. I know that sounds sexist but I am sexist. This is not park football, so what are women doing here? We have a problem in this country with political correctness – bringing women into the game is not the way to improve refereeing and officialdom. If you start bringing in women you have big problems. It is tokenism for the politically correct idiots”

Dearie me !

Babies Learn To Like Junk Food In The Womb

Anti-McDonalds, Chav, Health, Junk Food, pregnancy, UK Media, UK NEWS HEADLINES, World News

Eating unhealthy food whilst pregnant can make kids lardy

Children exposed to “maternal junk food” in the womb or early in life may find it harder to resist an unhealthy diet as they grow older, say the researchers.

Dr Stephanie Bayol, from the Royal Veterinary College in London, said: “Our study has shown that eating large quantities of junk food when pregnant and breastfeeding could impair the normal control of appetite and promote an exacerbated taste for junk food in offspring.”

However not all the experts agree, Doctor Ronald Henry McDonald of McResearch Ltd – (11 – 59 High Road East Finchley, London N2 8AW) for example, states, ” there is no such thing as junk food, if children get fat and die , that’s their own fault, we,…. I…I mean the fast food industry cannot be blamed. They certainly don’t promote their food to children.”

Hmm so a “Happy Meal” (including free toy ) advertised by a clown giving away brightly coloured balloons is supposed to appeal to whom…? George W. Bush ?… Not me though, I’ve seen “IT,” Pennywise, the dancing clown scared the B’jesus out of me and no mistake.

But babies developing a taste for Big Macs ? I can just see McDonald’s execs rubbing their hands together with glee can’t you ? Hook em before they are even born. Scary…

“M-m-m-m..”

Oi Chantelle, the sprogs tryin’ to say Mummy “

“m-m-m”

“awww how cute, could be little Wayne’s first word ? “

“M-M-M-McDonalds , M-M-MCDONALDS ”

And sadly that’s slightly worse than Motherf***er in my book.

Cookin’ On Gas !!

Ainsley Harriot, Anthony Worrall Thompson, Celebrity, Celebrity Chef, Celebrity Chefs, Cornish, Cornwall, Death Threats, Gangsters, James Martin, Jamie Oliver, Ready Steady Cook, Rick Stein, showbiz, TV, UK NEWS HEADLINES

Crazed Looney Toon Released After Celebrity Chef Threats

CUCKOO!

Yes its worse than the hippity-hop brigade . Celebrity chefs in “Cornish Turf War Shocker!!” News reaches us that  Jamie “Phat Tongue”  O and Ricky “Fry Master” Stein have been getting  threats from the Cornish Liberation Army (CLA). Armed only with pitchforks, cider and enormous big flappy ears due to the questionable gene pool , these boys surely don’t think they can take on the might of these brutal TV Chef overlords???

The VP Express’ sources suggest that in reality the CLA is merely a front for a shocking campaign of hate waged by the highly eccentric vicious, and alarmingly overweight bully-boy, Anthony “Wozza” Thompson. His jealousy of Jamie Oliver and Rick Stein is legendary within the cut throat world of culinary celebrity. Forget Tupac , and Notorious Big , its the Homeboyz of cookery y`all better be watching out for . Word.

Only last week MC Flambé (or the Cook Formerly Known As Gary Rhodes to you and me ) was the victim of a drive by cookin’. These guys are serious, Big Daddy A (Ainsley)  may look like an amiable family entertainer, but beneath this jovial facade hides the nations most evil cookery pimp. His plan to produce a show called “Ready, Steady ‘Ho ” has been rejected by the BBC, calling it “offensive” and “demeaning”. Harriot responded by sending a set of cookery knives to the BBC board  threatening to “cut Nigella’s T*ts Off ” and  “go over to ITV”. It’s a situation that sadly, appears to have no resolution in sight.

M.O.D. To Gag Army Personnel Blogs

Army, Bin Laden, Blog, Blogg, Iraq, M.O.D., Middle East, Ministry Of Defence, News, Politics, Soldiers, technology, UK NEWS HEADLINES, War On Terror, World News

Forces members will be banned from talking online and furthermore prevented from taking part in surveys, post on bulletin boards, or sending pictures or video material without permission, if the messages concern defence matters. Instead, “all such communication must help to maintain and, where possible, enhance the reputation of defence”.

Is this censorship gone mad? Would they do this if the “war” was going well? Or is it merely because, during the many conflicts of recent years , the U.K. has singularly failed to produce one decent war poet ? Whatever the reason, surely soldiers, sharing their experiences has aways been part of military life, and is for the individual, a form of catharsis ?

Historically society has always been able to read these experiences, such insights may well help us more fully understand the human cost of the futility of war.

Boris Johnson To Sue Pete Doherty

Babyshambles, Boris Johnson, Libertines, pete doherty, Politics, Pop Music, The Indelicates, Waiting For Pete Doherty To Die

Oh dear , what does he look like ? “Waiting For Pete Doherty To Dye” perhaps?

“Waiting For Pete Doherty To Die” By The Indelicates

Tory Party Take Radical Action To Contain Outbreak Of “Foot In Mouth”Disease

Boris Johnson, Clown, Conservative, Foot And Mouth, Greed, Humour, Ken Livingstone, London, London Mayor, News, Oaf, Popular Culture, Prime Minister, propaganda, Racist, showbiz, Spin, Tony Blair, Tory, UK Media, UK NEWS HEADLINES, World News

 


When does somebody cease to be an affable, eccentric oaf and become a bigoted, ignorant racist ? Sometimes a shake of the carefully manufactured ruffled head, a cry of “Oh Cripes!” and the trademark insincere mumbled, shoulder shrugging half-arsed apology through a schoolboy smirk just doesn’t cut the mustard .

 

The bigotry of bumbling Boris

BBC To Investigate Claims Of Product Placement

Advertising, BBC, BBC Admits Mistakes, Black Eyed Peas, Business news, Fergie, Media, Movies, Music, News, Next Generation, Pop, Pop Music, Popular Culture, Product Placement, Star Trek, UK Media, UK NEWS HEADLINES, World News

It’s been a bad month or two for the Beeb , first the phone-in scandals , then the “misleading editing” . Now they are to review a number of shows to investigate claims of “product placement”.

This of course is nothing new , and is in fact set to increase, despite protestations from script writers “We’re not interested in injuring revenues on which we all depend,” the heads of the two Writers Guild branches wrote to their members. “But when writers are asked to construct stories around and for the benefit of potato chips or soft drinks, when our members are asked not only to be storytellers but advertisement copywriters as well, then things are getting out of hand. Writers must have greater input and control of this process.”

It is also slowly creeping into the world of pop , with Black Eyed Pea, Fergie, apparently agreeing to promote clothing within her song lyrics for the sum of $ 4 Million. Interscope records state”With record sales in decline, you must find novel ways to make money out of the music. The trick is to make the brand part of the song so that it slips down easily rather than chokes the fan. C****ie’s will have no say over exactly what Fergie will sing, or when. Fergie does not sing jingles so it will have to work unobtrusively in the song.” “My Humps, My Humps ,My Humps My Silver Spoon Sponsored  Sugar Lumps .” Yeah Right !

Of course with the arrival of technology that allows the viewer to completely bypass adverts , TV shows and Hollywood Studios will be looking at innovative ways to increase the non too subtle presence of advertising.

To see to what extent placement has taken over the movies have a look here