Channel 4 Unveil new Benefits Street style show.


CHANNEL4-FUCKED-UPChannel 4, Paul Dacre’s new favourite TV station is to follow up “Benefits Street” with a new “documentary” entitled “Floodplain Families.”

It follows the lives of residents in the Somerset Plains area, as they stoically face up to the aftermath of the now bi-annual floods. So far, early screenings have indicated that public sympathy is very much with the government and not the residents. “I hope they drown, I’m sick of them whining about dredging and flood defences, do fuck off! Maybe try contributing to GDP a bit more eh? “ tweeted a clearly incensed Toby Young.  Whilst financial advisor Judd Hemple echoed these sentiments adding“I do hope these mewling media whores aren’t using this ‘flooding’ nonsense as an excuse to stay off work’

One twitter user known as Fascist_ Bill_III said ‘it’s a lifestyle choice to live in a floodplain area so why should we bail them out?” Adding, “They’re all cunts and I hope Davey Jones drags them to a hellish watery grave.” …. ” Oh, and Sharks feast on their lazy fat spotty arses”

Stock Broker Anton Choke said “I don’t see why my taxes should be used to support their indolent lifestyle, besides they seem to be having a great time splashing about in the water. Maybe they should have planned ahead and built an Arc or something. After all Noah didn’t wait around for the council to help him out whining ‘Oooh those clouds look ominous’, he got off his backside and utilised his carpentry skills. “

One twitter user knows with the frankly incongruous user name – David_Cameon did show some empathy and revealed that he once had water damage and said ‘a bit of wallpaper came down’ and there were ‘drips in a bucket’ (plenty of them in We(s)tminister)

Channel 4 confirmed they were looking for families in the area who were illegal immigrants, on benefits, gay and who had a chronic substance problem but denied this was in any way exploitative. “It’s a sensitive real life drama with real people – imagine “Water World” on crystal meth,” said producer Fin Marsh.

Let’s Cheer George Up !!!


OsborneTEarsWe could show him a photo of a “prole” for example. Maybe a poor disabled person in a track suit attempting to get to a benefits office *chortle*-  C’mon the poor lad was upset. You could almost hear him mumbling “” *sob* I’ll complete your work Mother  erm I mean .. Maggie, just see if I don’t ” 


Remembering Margaret

Margaret Thatcher


Today I will remember an uncle who didn’t make it.  I’ll remember him telling of being on a picket line and being goaded by the police, who every week without fail, laughed and mocked by waving their overtime packets at striking miners.  This was the “fuck you loadsamoney” culture she engendered – I’ll remember him saying with a shake of the head how workers were being set against each other (sound familiar?)  Of the police being employed as a blunt instrument of the state, essentially as Thatcher‘s own private army.  Of how hard working citizens were demonised, dehumanised, and called ‘the enemy within.’  He and his family never really recovered and became victims of yet more of her pernicious policies throughout their lives.

The sale of council houses did them no favours, nor did the sell off of public utilities…And at the end, at least we still had an NHS (something we may not have at all in the future ) which cared for him, broken, with no fight left.  So yes, respect for the dead, for him total respect- but for her?  No – NEVER for her.  I will not be told by ivory towered liberals how I should react to her passing, that I should show some respect, that not to do so demonstrates some sort of intellectual deficit and makes me look vindictive and mean spirited. Respect is something that’s earned not DEMANDED ….And the fight continues…she’s gone but her ideologies are still a blight on every decent right-minded person in this country. Fuck her and her acolytes, revisionists and apologists.

Wear Red – 17th April 2013.

Margaret Thatcher


Wear red on the 17th April as a protest against the obscene cost of Thatcher’s funeral.

And to stop ideologically driven policies targeting the poor the vulnerable and those without a voice to pay for the mistakes made by the rich.


‘Mass Unemployment, factory closures, communities destroyed – this is her legacy.’



Morrissey : She was “barbaric” and “without an atom of humanity”, adding that “every move she made was charged by negativity She hated feminists even though it was largely due to the progression of the women’s movement that the British people allowed themselves to accept that a prime minister could actually be female. But because of Thatcher, there will never again be another woman in power in British politics, and rather than opening that particular door for other women, she closed it.”.



But not the Daily Mail who of course will seek to reinvent and detoxify  Margaret Thatcher’s pernicious ideology and poisonous legacy… Let the Disneyfication begin



And of the funeral…something fitting ……

Thatcher Dead

Ken Loach –  Mass Unemployment, factory closures, communities destroyed – this is her legacy. She was a fighter and her enemy was the British working class. Her victories were aided by the politically corrupt leaders of the Labour Party and of many Trades Unions. It is because of policies begun by her that we are in this mess today.

Other prime ministers have followed her path, notably Tony Blair. She was the organ grinder, he was the monkey.

Remember she called Mandela a terrorist and took tea with the torturer and murderer Pinochet.

How should we honour her? Let’s privatise her funeral. Put it out to competitive tender and accept the cheapest bid. It’s what she would have wanted.

No State funeral for ….


Thatcher - The Irony Lady

Thatcher War Whore

This is not a time for celebration. The death of Margaret Thatcher is nothing more than a salient reminder of how Britain got into the mess that we are in today. Of why ordinary working people are no longer able to earn enough from one job to support a family; of why there is a shortage of decent affordable housing; of why domestic growth is driven by credit, not by real incomes; of why tax-payers are forced to top up wages; of why a spiteful government seeks to penalise the poor for having an extra bedroom; of why Rupert Murdoch became so powerful; of why cynicism and greed became the hallmarks of our society.

Raising a glass to the death of an infirm old lady changes none of this. The only real antidote to cynicism is activism. Don’t celebrate – organise!

Billy Bragg

“She’s not been gone more than a few hours, and already the national media have cranked into gear and begun the blandly respectful eulogies – at their most critical they seem to be only able to say: ‘She polarised opinion … what’s certain is how much of an impact she made on Britain … etc etc’

Twitter set off at a pace with a thousand ‘Ding Dong the Witch is Dead’ messages only to be followed by a slew of bleeding heart liberals bemoaning the fact that people were daring to celebrate someone’s death.

Pah! Let’s make it clear: This is a cause to celebrate, to party, to stamp the dirt down. Tomorrow we can carry on shouting and writing and working and singing and striking against the successive governments that have so clearly followed Thatcher’s Slash & Burn policies, none more so than the present lot. But for now, we can have a drink and a dance and propose a toast to the demise of someone who blighted so many people’s lives for so long.

If we must show a little reverence and decorum at this time, then so be it. Our deepest sympathies go out to the families of all Margaret Thatcher’s victims.

Chumbawamba, 8th April 2013″

And Essential Reading From David Stubbs In The Quietus

Margaret Thatcher: Still More Alive Than She Herself Dared To Dream


Leveson Update

Humour, Politics

Yesterday’s Leveson inqury was once again interrupted, this time in the form of an elderly wild eyed Italian gentleman who claimed he was Jeremy Hunt‘s long lost father. Known only as Mister Gepetto and describing his occupation as “Toy maker”  he was clearly overwhelmed with emotion “Its just like a fairy story” he said, “we’ve been apart for so long but I knew one day we’d be reunited. I do worry about “Jeremy” as he likes to be called nowadays, because  one day we hope he will grow up to be a real boy ,but only if he is kind and honest and true, the blue fairy said so”.

Geppetto stated he was looking forward to getting home to his “family” consisting of a goldfish (“Cleo”) and a cat (“Figaro”) ” there will be much music and dancing ” He also spoke emotionally about a cricket named “Jiminy”, who it transpires wears a top hat and is allegedly Pinocchio’s Jeremy’s official conscience, and also of an island where little boys turn into asses (the house of commons?)

“Mister Geppetto” is currently being detained in a secure unit for his own safety pending an assessment of his mental health, Jeremy Hunt remains in government and thus his chances of growing up to be a “real boy” are considered remote.

Here Comes The Sun


Murdoch announces a new Sunday newspaper – The Sun on Sunday, (erm wasn’t that the News Of The World?)  which lets face it is not  the best news in the world.

What would the first edition look like ?

The Scum On Sunday*Click pic for large version*

UK Riots In Pictures.


Feral Youth Blamed For London RiotsAs the London  riots escalated, people looked for a hero, for leadership, for …

Boris Johnson, London Mayor

Click pictures for large versions .

I would very much recommend the two following articles  for further reading.


Britain’s Got Inertia.

Britain's Got Talent - Shitefest

If Bowie had been born into a different era....

In Defence of Britains Got Talent. ( Well not really.)

The cultural phenomenon that is “Britain’s Got Talent”  has been back with us for a few weeks,  sucking out our brains like some sort of televisual zombie, feasting on our inertia, wallowing in our apathy and as is the way with a  Simon Cowell  ‘format’  it never makes the mistake of under estimating the great British public’s insatiable appetite for mind numbing shite.

My dislike for ‘Britain’s Got Talent’ and all it stands for is based purely and simply on my pervious, soul shrivelling experiences of all things Cowellian. Robson And Jerome,  Zig And Zag, Sinitta, that little prick Louis Walsh, Cheryl Cole . . . need I go on ?  His crimes against popular culture are numerous, heinous and unrelenting.  Yet incredibly, having studiously avoided “ BGT” for a number of  years my view and possibly my brain had started to soften, maybe  I’d been a little harsh – after all, it’s just ‘a bit of fun ‘isn’t it ?  Maybe it’s improved immeasurably since I was harrowed to the very core of my being by the likes of  Susan Boyle and the ‘side splitting’ antics of Stavros Flatley.  And so I decided in order to have a valid contemporary opinion I should at least give the show another viewing. To this  end I have just spent the last hour on youtube and observing people who have at the very  least, an inflated  sense of their own ability and at worst are seriously mentally ill, but enough about the judges . Of the contestants you can’t help but wish their parents had said ‘ No little Jenny, you do NOT have the voice of Maria Callas, but serving happy meals might be something you’d like to consider as a career option.’ There is certainly a lot to be said for tough love The so called expert judges including for this series, Britain’s unfunniest  (but possibly most annoying man,) Michael McIntyre,  perform their scripted roles with the deftness of a charging elephant and effect spontaneity with all the confidence of Jean Claude Van Damme playing Hamlet . But of course that’s not the issue here, this is after all , as people keep telling me ‘just a bit of fun’.

Watching the ‘highlights’  has been a spirit crushing experience and has  left me feeling tainted, depressed and lobotomised by the sheer stupidity of this lamentable charade.  The on screen ring masters, two gurning vertically challenged, stage school, millionaire Geordie luvvies,  giggle, guffaw and simulate conspiratorial ironic exasperation in order to connect with the TV audience at home,  a skill which has rather  bafflingly seen them regaled as national treasures.

And ‘connect’ is the crucial word here, because for all its faults, it’s unremitting shitness and it’s spirit crushing crassness, ‘Britain’s Got Talent ‘does one  thing extremely well. It understands it’s audience and fills the emptiness in their life. Simply put it fills a void with a void.  Cowell may not understand what makes a great song, he may not understand the avant garde,  he may be terrified of the artist who wants to push boundaries  and challenge the status quo, but he understands implicitly how to make money from defending the status quo. Cowell’s skill is turd polishing and presentation, essentially he appropriates various elements  from redundant TV  formats, the variety show, the talent show, the pantomime and like Dr. Victor Frankenstein re-assembles these parts to  create a monster.   Not unlike Cheryl Cole, initially it  appears to be beautifully constructed, stylish and represent ….. and there’s the rub , and represent what exactly???. Because the truth is “BGT”  is  the antithesis of talent, it is a  vapid , empty sexless piece of contrived propaganda,  which assumes the public is a bovine herd  made up of fatuous indolent idiots.

It was once said that people knew exactly what they were doing when  Martin LutherKing was assassinated or when JFK lost  an ill advised game of head tennis with a bullet.  They remember the shock when Lennon was murdered and were stopped in their tracks when news that Elvis had ‘left the building’ -permanently.  Yet nowadays ‘BGT’ is fawned over by the media and presented as having the same  cultural significance as the aforementioned events.  And of course we  all know exactly where we were , sitting on the fucking couch, gorging on kettle chips, complicit and acquiescent  in the dumbing down of  ‘event TV.’  You see  Cowells leathery withered gonads have ‘tea-bagged’  popular culture and his only contribution to it is to create a generation of couch potatoes who talk with misty  eyed reverence about the first time they saw and heard their hairy angel spirit guide, Susan Boyle.   And that’s what ‘Britain’s Got Talent’ gives us, something that we all crave as social animals,   the collective experience,  it’s just a shame it’s such a  fucking shit one, the televisual equivalent of holding your lighter aloft  at a Chris De Burgh concert whilst shitting into an empty polystyrene fish and chip tray. It’s a  parallel universe  were bad is good, wrong is right  a world were the mundane  is GOD,  where innovation is crushed, talent is feared  and where the banal ultimately triumphs, it IS the lowest common denominator made flesh. To quote Bill Hicks ” They’re so good, and so clean-cut, and they’re such a good image for the children.” Fuck that! When did mediocrity and banality become a good image for your children? I want my children listening to people who fucking rocked!

Stavros Noelbarn

People have called me a snob, of being a killjoy, of trying to spoil their fun with some sort of elitist agenda, but the reality is that surely there is nothing more elitist  than sitting on your expensive couch with your nice middle class friends sneering and sniggering  from your  perceived position of superiority as people’s dreams are dismantled by the very rich in the name of cheap nasty entertainment.  These ‘tastemakers’ contribute nothing of worth to popular culture, they debase it,  using  it as a vehicle to promote their own empty ‘brand.’  They take and give NOTHING back. ‘BGT’ is Jerry Springer/Jeremy Kyle style bear baiting with a karaoke machine, jugglers and synchronised dancing.

In essence I was right to despise the crass manipulative nastiness of  Britain’s Got Talent, but now after revisiting it ,  I not only loathe the show , I also pity the  eleven million plus who regularly lap up this drivel.   ‘Britain’s Got Talent’  is a void inside a vacuum, a hateful hat ful  of hollow and  Oscar Wilde’s epigram ‘Public opinion exists  only where there are no ideas’  could well be the shows tag-line.  It is  a show made by manipulative lazy cunts to be enjoyed by lazy complicit acquiescent cunts When  popular culture finally draws it’s last breath and all we have left are ‘Syco’ approved  power ballads and REO Speedwagon tribute bands  what will your excuse be ? .. “I couldn’t be arsed??”  –     We really do deserve better.

Nick Clegg Admits ‘Power Is My Viagra’.


Nick Clegg does a Sally Bercow

The VP Express  uncovers the capital’s sexiest places: Here Nick Clegg describes the appeal of living in view of David Cameron‘s shiny pink arse.

The view from number 10 is incredibly sexy, particularly at night with the moon and the glow from the old gas lamps. When David  and I were first courting we used to walk along the South Bank and look at the Houses of Parliament. I never realised then how sexy I would find living under Big Dave with his bells chiming.

Politicians as a breed, aside from maybe Eric Pickles, aren’t particularly sexy but I think politics can be sexy because power is an aphrodisiac. I can’t enough of it .  Since Dave became Prime Minister, the number of women who hit him has gone up dramatically. I don’t get jealous because more men hit me too. I think it’s hilarious and extremely flattering that I’ve been referred to as the Barry Chuckle of British politics.

I don’t mind people knowing about my history of one-night stands, broken promises and alcoholism. I was a bit souped-up when I was  Leon Brittain’s  European Union policy adviser in my twenties. I’m not proud of it but I’m not ashamed either. I do feel sexier now I’m older and I’ve stopped drinking. I think I grew up in my thirties and gained control of myself.

For dates I like to go somewhere down to earth, and you can’t get more low brow than crawling in  Hell’s gutter  on a double date with Rebekah Brooks and James Murdoch. I’ve got a sweet tooth so I find puddings, particularly chocolate, very sexy and  it also helps sweeten the bitter pill Lib Dems have been forced to swallow of late. This Valentine’s Day, David is destroying the country in the evening, so I will probably be eating a Chinese takeaway and a bar of chocolate on my own upstairs…just waiting to feel his touch, to bask in his glory and hopefully  enjoy mutual approbation later.   The most romantic thing I’ve ever done for  David is to allow him to f*ck me and my party up our collective arse.  He’s a very lucky man.  “

With apologies to Sally Bercow and The London Evening Standard

The BBC and the ‘C’ word parts 1, 2 and 3


BBC and The C Word !

‘Ever get the feeing people are trying to tell you something ?’

Brillo bonced Newsnight Rotweiller, Jeremy Paxman recently  added himself to the illustrious band of  BBC broadcast journalists to reveal their subconscious  feelings toward the fucking twats, ahem, excuse me, I’m sorry, I mean the  coalition. This week he joined James Naughtie and Andrew Marr as the third person to mention the ‘C’ word  in relation to the government when he said ‘Supposing, though, some of the people who ought to be paying taxes so the cunts, cuts aren’t so bad aren’t actually doing so.” It certainly echos what most of the country is feeling at present, so let’s enjoy them in all their glory once more…..

Jeremy Paxman

James Naughtie

Andrew Marr

Badge Kissing Mercenaries



I’ve long given up following football since Murdoch’s filthy lucre  poisoned it’s well. The greed of the players now is probably on a par with bankers and despite my ambivalence towards footie  it’s still annoying when these badge kissing mercenaries show little regard for their club or fans.  The latest to throw his toys out of the cot is Liverpool striker Fernando Torres who has handed in a transfer request after hearing news of interest from  Chelsea –  They really are a shower of spoilt, pampered w**kers.

Can I Kick It ?


Can I kick It ? Yes you can.

Kick Sexism Out Of Football, Andy Gray and Richard Keys Get The Boot!

Andy Gray And Richard Keys get the boot from Sian Massey & Karen Brady.


Click for larger Image



Andy Gray Sexism Row

Hairy On The Inside ? – Sky, Football, Sexism and Werewolves.


Sky Sexists Richard Keys And Andy Gray

There has been so much written this week about the Sky Sports duo of Andy Gray and Richard Keys making disparaging remarks about females, resulting in them parting company with Sky. I won’t add too much, other than to say these two Neanderthal rock apes can talk about dark forces all they like, but they only have themselves to blame.  I did get involved in some message board fun on The Guardian website; some of the views expressed in the comments section were of such vitriolic bile I found it difficult to believe I was part of the same species never mind gender.   Another disquieting aspect of this whole affair is the female apologists for these two grunting arse scratching rock  apes, blithely dismissing it as ‘lads banter,’ is there anything more depressing than watching a woman speaking out to defend bigotry against women?

Posh fuck-wit, Katie Hopkins, who makes Thatcher seem positively sane and well balanced actually said on BBC’s Question TimeI think women actually don’t want equal treatment, they couldn’t handle it if they got it. It’s a tough world out there. I think what women need to realise is that you have to toughen up, we can’t ask for equal pay, you have to be paid on performance and the results you deliver. It’s a tough world out there and I don’t think Karren Brady or any others are doing us any favours by putting this sort of debate out there. I think the art of banter is something we should be proud of as a nation. I worked for a while in the military and our forces, the best in the world, in my opinion, they survive in banter. I think we need to keep that, we need to look after it.” There’s that word again, ‘Banter’ the last refuge of the scoundrel.  How somebody so thick can succeed in business is beyond me. Woman not only want equality, they quite rightly demand it !

Meanwhile the nation’s most repulsive man, dickless wonder,  Jeremy Clarkson whined that Andy Gray and Richard Keys  were ‘stitched up’,  alas the only thing that appears to have been stitched up is Clarkson’s  cranium when they removed his brain and replaced it with a small garden pea roughly the same size as his pathetic withered little testicles.

Looking at the photo above you can’t help but wonder if Mr Key’s would dismiss such disrespectful comments as ‘banter’ if they were aimed at his undoubtedly attractive daughter.  Would he find it amusing if she was referred to as ‘it’ , or if somebody asked if they’d ‘smashed it? Or had been ‘hanging out the back of it? ‘ Probably not. ..

Welcome back to the 1970’s kids.

Larger Image.


1970’s Footballers

Richard Keys-Werewolf


“Hunt seems to be the hardest word to say.”


James Naughtie, Jeremy Hunt

BBC Radio 4 presenter James Naughtie had  listeners of the Today programme choking on their Cornflakes  this morning when he accidentally uttered the C-word after he stumbled over the pronunciation of Culture minister David Hunt’s name.

Download it here

“Nick Clegg Waiting on Spine Donor”


Nick Clegg Sell Out
(Animated Version.)


Let’s face it, news that politicians lie is nothing new.  Liberal Democrat leader and spineless political shape-shifter of no fixed ideology, Nick Clegg conned many before the election with his oily slickness during the nations first televised TV debates.  Little by little  the carefully constructed façade of  earnest integrity, of a reasonable man who like the Danish prince, agonises with his conscience over ‘big decisions’ has been reduced to rubble. The mask has  well and truly slipped to reveal a shallow fraudster with no scruples whose  lack of  veracity is matched only by his naked hunger for power.  To wit, he really is a fucking cock-ring.

Nick Clegg before the election:

Nick Clegg after the election:

“”This is an extraordinarily difficult issue… We have stuck to the wider ambition that going to university is done in a progressive way”

In other words

Resulting in

Which induced a not very chastened  Nick the  Prick to say-

“You need to be careful. I should have been more careful perhaps in signing that pledge at the time.”

But wait !! Apparently, the Liberal Democrats were already drawing up plans to discard Nick Clegg’s flagship policy to scrap university tuition fees two months before the general election. Pity they didn’t let on to the people who voted for his pre election pledges eh ? And they call it democracy?



Support The Students


Nick, you see can be anyone you want him to be…whenever it suites

F*ck Nick Clegg!Nick Clegg- Tuition Fees


Out Of The Frying Pan- Stephen Fry


Oh dear, oh dear, actor, comedian, intellectual giant and national treasure Stephen Fry has got into a bit of hot water this week. After tweetingpictures from the set of the latest Harry Potter movie, Warner Brothers apparently requested he removed them forthwith.

Later in the week Fry was quoted as saying that he feels sorry for straight men as women aren’t generally too keen on making the beast with two backs, submitting that “it’s the price they are willing to pay for a relationship”. Obviously if Fry is correct this means I’ve been lied to countless times and the earth didn’t really move!! …Damn you Fry ! Now I’m beginning to doubt my once unquestionable prowess !

Stephen Fry-deletes Twitter?

Admittedly my first reaction was that Stephen appears to have regressed back to the 1970’s, but that was nothing compared to the twitter-verse lynch mob, as they went into overdrive, jerking their knees and bleating that Fry should be hung in Parliament Square via his (doubtless) magnificently humongous testicles, until such time as they are engorged and bright purple; like overripe Tuscan Valley plums.  At this point his plump, puce pods should be pummelled with splintered cricket bats as Fry is handed his I-phone and attempts to beg for clemency using just 140 characters.  However, one suspects as an ex public school boy, Fry may regard that sort of behaviour as more of a guilty pleasure, than an actual punishment.

Others defended young Stephen, many observing (including it is noted, one Mrs Von Pip,) that he was merely  highlighting a painful, unspoken truth whilst also helping to  shatter the final taboo that has for so long haunted  the shadowy world of heterosexual sex.  Namely that women would sooner drink neat bleach than blow a gentleman’s love trombone, although many accept that ultimately it’s a price worth paying as all their friends have men and they don’t really want to come across as ‘a bit Lesbian.’ Some young ladies confusingly tweeted that ‘Feminism was gay‘, whilst others said that all this nagging would simply give women a bad name , and really shouldn’t these feminists be busy preparing their man a delicious meal wearing a thong, suspenders and high heels ? After all, he’s bound to have developed an insatiable appetite following a spot of late afternoon dogging !  Ah the Sisterhood is alive and well it seems!

As an upshot of all this blathering, Mr Fry has not only deleted the Harry Potter photos, but it transpires he may have also deleted his twitter account claiming he’s being painted as the gay, I-phone loving anti-Christ and has been horribly misquoted, signing off with a pithily inspired “bye,bye”.

Still, whatever the rights and wrongs it gives us an ideal opportunity to indulge in some Photoshop fun, sadly it also gives the Daily Mail, who are no fans of Mr Fry, the chance to produce yet more spurious nonsense too.

Fry Quits Twitter ? -(Animated version)

Stephen Fry Leaves Twitter ?

Stephen Fry knows 'What Women Want'


Happy Halloween


George Osborne….he’s your worst f**king nightmare ….coming to a town hall, community centre, police station, fire station, hospital or library near you…very, very soon….

George Osborne - Public Sector Hatchet Man

Large Version.